Vacation with Pay
by EpicFailMeiku
Summary: KSFWolfe inspired me... “Ulqui-chan’s been acting strange lately, don’t ya think?” What happens when Ulquiorra loses it? Halirty ensues, that's what! T for Grimmy's potty mouth
1. Prologue

_Meiku: Ah… Credit to KSFWolfe, who inspired with her absolutely hilarious story "I'm Gonna Scream in a Minute" and then the cute additions of "Cooking Lessons."_

_Ulqui: You're going to make me sound like a fool again…_

_Meiku: I AM NOT!! I've never made you sound like a fool, therefore it cannot be again._

_Ulqui: … I don't like you._

_Meiku: I know._

_Grimm: Thankfully the girl does NOT own Bleach… Otherwise I think she would have put me in a dress by now._

_Meiku: Oh yes… That'd be the way Aizen would win… Yaoi and crossdressing. Charlotte is my prime example… Not a very pretty one, but a GREAT example._

_Grimm: … Distrubing._

_Meiku: Well duh._

**Vacation with Pay**

**Prologue:**

"Ulqui-chan's been acting strange lately, don't ya think?"

Aizen lifted a brow at Gin; he hadn't noticed anything really. But, he didn't pay as much attention to his arrancar as Gin did. He brushed most of their strange behavior off anyway.

"How so?"

"He's biting his nails…"

"That's not that strange."

"And keeping the clippings in a box in his pocket."

"Oh…" Well… that was odd.

"And he's stolen Charlotte's nail polish and been painting 69 on every single doorknob."

That too was very odd.

"And this morning Nnoitora said he saw him banging his head on the wall outside Orihime-chan's room."

Aizen waved his hand dismissively to Gin and told him to stop worrying. Though now, his interest was peeked. He wanted to know if Gin was just pulling his leg, which wasn't too far fetched, or if Ulquiorra really was going defective. It would be such a shame to have to get rid of him—he was so loyal after all.

Grimmjow stalked the halls, scowling at any arrancar that happened by him. He lifted a brow when he caught Ulquiorra walking down the hall with a can of teal spray paint. He watched as the Cuatra painted a perfect dot on one white brick, then walk away as though nothing out of the norm had happened. Intrigued and with nothing better to do, Grimmjow followed him. Ulquiorra went through the entire building, painting a single teal dot every kilometer or so of hallway.

"The fuck are you doing?"

Ulquiorra looked around, and smiled pleasantly, causing shivers to run down Grimmjow's spine.

"Nothing, Grimm-chan."

Grimmjow twitched, "What did you just call me?!"

Ulquiorra blinked, looking so innocent and confused that even Grimmjow wanted to hug him he was so adorable.

"Would Grimmjow-sama be better?"

Grimmjow twitched again, "Er… no… Not really…"

"Okay then," Ulquiorra smiled again, cute but scary…

He walked off, leaving Grimmjow to contemplate what the hell had just happened.

_

* * *

_

Meiku: ah… I have too much fun with crack.

_Ulquiorrra: so… I don't sound like a fool, I just seem mental._

_Meiku: Right._

_Ulquiorra: … And you're supposed to be my fangirl?_

_Meiku: Hey, I'm a bit mental myself so… Shut the hell up._

_Grimmjow: Reviews are nice… One would be enough to get her to actually write another chapter…_


	2. A Case of the Giggles

_Meiku: oooh! And we get to have a little more crazy!! Yey!_

_Ulqui: I'm going to hire an author to describe your bloody demise at my hand. And then I'm going to make it happen._

_Grimm: Mei-chan don't own Bleach. She just torments us because we exist._

_Meiku: fufufufufu!_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx – If I've made one person smile, I feel like I've done my job as an author… -glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**123HappyFrog – It gets you a new chapter faster. Hence why this is up already… That and Sundays are boring for me. Fast enough updating for you? –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

**Chap One- A Case of the Giggles**

_Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?!_

Ulquiorra was, to put it bluntly, sick and tired of everyone depending on him for everything. He was expected to do most of the chores… Cooking, everyone else's paperwork, baby-sitting Yami, baby-sitting fraccion, baby-sitting Inoue, cleaning, scolding Grimmjow, scolding Szayel, laundry, getting everyone up for meetings, setting up times and dates for meetings, fetching things from the material world, sewing, training the lower-classed arrancar, hunting down others to bring into Los Noches, and generally keeping things running smoothly. It was infuriating. He was not their fucking MOTHER for fuck's sake!

So, after much complaining from the others about how he was failing to do this or that… He just… kind of snapped.

He sat in the kitchen after doing the dishes after dinner and giggled to himself, staring out at the vast nothingness of Hueco Mundo. Something had twisted and he wasn't sure whether it was the stressful work environment, the excessive work load, the constant put-downs, or the sever lack of adequate food and sleep. He still had work to do, and going to his room to sleep was not really an option. In fact, sitting in the kitchen giggling at nothing would take up a lot of his 5 minute naps. But he couldn't help himself.

He had set up a meeting for 10:30 the next morning. Instead of getting up at 5 after 10 minutes of sleep so that he could clean the meeting room, prepare tea and coffee, go room to room and wake the others, circulate again to make sure they got up, and finally see to it there were hot plates filled with something nutritional, Ulquiorra blinked at the wall of the pantry where he had stayed the night. He wondered briefly if anyone would come looking for him—but no one used the kitchen except for Ulquiorra. No one even walked into the kitchen except for him. They'd never figure out how to get the damn door open!

Ulquiorra giggled, staring at the box of instant coffee across from him. He never made it—the others had complained it was too sweet or lacked caffeine. Well, sucks to be them today! That's what they were getting!

He took the box and wandered out into meeting hall. It doubled as the Espada's dining hall, and Ulquiorra hadn't cleaned it from the night before. There were stains where Yami had spilt most of his food and where Grimmjow had managed to get ketchup everywhere but his plate. He dropped the instant coffee in the middle of the table and wandered back to his pantry.

He slid down to the white tile. White was such a boring color. Ulquiorra took a moment to wonder why everything was so white? What was the purpose of the white? Symbolism? But then wouldn't they be black, because they weren't pure? Then again, the shinigami were already dressed in black, so to be the opposite of them, they had to be white. But why did they have to be so completely white? Why was there no color at all? It was boring…

Hadn't he already had this conversation with himself? Oh yes, that was right, he had! He had added s bit of color with the dots on the walls and numbers on the door knobs. But that was still… so… boring…

Maybe he'd add a little more color to their drab world…

* * *

_Meiku: ooooh, elusion is fun!_

_Ulqui: … Why do you do this to me?_

_Meiku: Cause I love you!_

_Ulqui: … … …_

_Grimm: -snickers- Review are welcome. Two for her to continue this time. Because she got that first one pretty fast last time._

_Meiku: Thanks for the review again xXhitsugayaXx and 123HappyFrog!_


	3. Like a Kid with Crayons

_Meiku: -evil giggle- who knows what happens now?_

_Grimm: Ulquiorra complains and I do the disclaimer like you're paying me for?_

_Meiku: Right except for I'm not paying you. I'm blackmailing you._

_Ulqui: -sigh- I really don't understand why you use me of all your obsessions._

_Meiku: You're a blank slate. A mental break down for you is friggin funny._

_Grimm: She does not own Bleach. Most fans should be happy._

_Meiku: Oh but think of all the yaoi!_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**xXhistugayaXx – Ah, the things I have planned dealing with Orihime and the spray paint you will truly enjoy –evil giggle- and again –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Idontseepenguins – I'm glad you thought it was interesting. –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

**Chap Two- Like a Kid with Crayons**

**Green is the prime color of the world, and from that which its loveliness arises**

Grimmjow yawned and made his way into the meeting hall. He was a few minutes late—Ulquiorra must have half-assed waking him up for the meeting. He didn't care that much though. Aizen never had anything fun to say anyway.

He was shocked upon entering though. There were three other people in the room: Halibel, Gin, and Szayel. The place was a mess, like Ulquiorra didn't even bother trying to clean it. And there was no food.

"What's going on?"

"Ulquiorra didn't do anything," Halibel growled. "Didn't clean, didn't wake anyone up, and didn't make breakfast. We don't even know where the idiot is."

"Obviously he came in here," Gin said, tossing a box from one and to the other, "he left us instant coffee."

Grimmjow wrinkled his nose, "That stuff sucks."

"Maybe he really is having a mental break-down," Szayel purred, eyes light with thought. Fag was thinking of being allowed to dissect the emo, Grimmjow was sure.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?"

Nnoitora's voice sounded loudly through the hall. Grimmjow, as well as the other three, jumped at the noise. Through the open door, Grimmjow could see the creeper staring in shock at… something…

"Shut the fuck up please."

Ulquiorra's voice, followed by the hiss of a spray paint can spraying neon green paint in Nnoitora's face, was very clear and very void of emotion.

Grimmjow glanced at the other three, raising an eyebrow. He wanted to make sure they all heard the same thing… By the shocked and disbelieving (and in the Fag's case, gleeful) looks on their faces, he assumed they did.

"What's going on?" he asked, wandering out towards them.

There he got a clear picture of what Nnoitora was gaping at. In three different shades of green, there was a little cartoon painted on the white wall. It showed a cute little kitty attacking a spoon and making the spoon bleed (at least, that's what it looked like to Grimmjow).

Further down the hall, in the same neon green that had just painted Nnoitora's face, was a big circle with a triangle in it and "Jashin Rules" written just below. A list of things to do to get yourself kicked out of Walmart was on another wall. A pig eating leaves (or maybe flowers?) was drawn on Nnoitora's door.

"I'm coloring and Nnoitra's being loud," Ulquiorra said, turning back to his little cartoon and shading with a lighter green.

"Oh." Grimmjow could only say, watching Ulquiorra hum something as he painted.

"Aizen's going to be extremely upset, Cifer," Halibel hissed.

Ulquiorra did not falter, but Grimmjow saw his bottom lip poke out in a cute pout.

"But white is boring," the Cuatra whined—yes whined, Grimmjow was sure that was the only way to put it.

After several minutes of coaxing the spray paint away from Ulquiorra and promising him he could finish his little cartoon later, the rest of the Espada showed up… Well, except for Stark, but no one was expecting him anyway. Ulquiorra smiled innocently and greeted each one with a void "I fucking hate you." They gathered in the hall, waiting on Aizen (and fearing his reaction).

* * *

_Meiku: aaah, and I end it there. Yes wonderful author, ne?_

_Ulqui: I think you're insane._

_Grimm: I think this is great._

_Ulqui: You realize one of her top three pairings happens to be you and me, right?_

_Grimm: … … … -pales-_

_Meiku: Reversi pairings are fun! But no, I won't really have anything… that has to be taken as yaoi in here. But I'll leave it to the public whether they want to consider it yaoi or not._

_Ulqui: -sigh- If she hits three reviews, she'll put up another stupid chapter._

_Meiku: Thanks again xXhistugayaXx and idontseepenguins for the reviews!_


	4. Crying Makes Everything Better

_Meiku: dot dot dot_

_Grimm: Mei-chan?_

_Meiku: I am… shocked people continue to want to read this… and even more so that I'm actually still writing. Normally I give up at chapter one…_

_Ulqui: Must be because you're torturing me mentally._

_Grimm: She doesn't own Bleach. She only wishes._

_Meiku: Damn right I do._

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**123happyfrog- kyaaa!! ^///^ You readers reviewing keep me motivated to write! And no, just one review, you just missed your shot of being commented in the last chapter… You're still loved… –glomps again- Thanks for reviewing again!!**_

_**Comatose Overdose- I like hearing things like that… And to see you made me a favorite author … -squeals- thank you thank you!! -glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Idontseepenguins- I stop to keep you guys coming back… Aizen's reaction is not near as funny as it could be … but can't always have the funny, ne? –glomps- thanks for reviewing again!!**_

**Chapter Three- Crying Makes Everything Better**

**Time engraves our faces with all the tears we never shed**

Aizen was furious, though his face was passive and pleasant as ever. Grimmjow could tell Aizen was furious by the clipped way he asked why his halls were decorated with random but well done artwork.

"White was boring. Green's prettier," Ulquiorra answered in a childish tone, bouncing in his chair.

"Oh?" Aizen forced the smile on. Grimmjow flinched, knowing something bad was about to happen to the poor Cuarta, who had obviously lost his mind and didn't know any better.

"Uh-huh." Ulquiorra smiled.

"Ulqiuorra," Aizen said pleasantly, but something in his voice was foreboding.

"Huh?"

"Since when the hell do you act like fucking five year old?"

There was silence. Ulquiorra stopped bouncing, staring at Aizen with a completely blank, Ulquiorra-like face. Aizen stared right back at him, face pleasant but terrifying.

Then Ulquiorra burst into tears.

It wasn't silent either. It was loud screaming kind of crying…

And it was making everyone's ears bleed. Probably because along with the screaming there was the noise of a bat's screeches—a sonic disruption that caused horrible pain…

Who would have known screaming would make such a wonderful attack?

"SHUT UP!" Someone, Grimmjow wasn't sure who, yelled.

On instinct, Grimmjow rose from his seat. He swiftly walked around the table and put his hands on Ulquiorra's shoulders and cooed softly. Immediately, the bat hushed into quiet whimpers. Grimmjow continued cooing, and dared any of them to say anything with his eyes. Most looked relieved and humored.

Aizen blinked, ears still bleeding a bit.

"That was…" Gin started, but paused and stared in thought, trying to come up with a word.

"Ulquiorra?" Aizen tested.

"What?" came the short, pouting whine.

"Are you okay?"

Ulquiorra crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, "I'm tired. Can I go back to my pantry now?"

There was silence for a moment before anyone (meaning Grimmjow) ventured to ask, "Pantry?"

"Where I sleep."

More silence, and again, only Grimmjow was able to ask, "You sleep in a pantry?"

"Where else would I sleep?"

"Maybe, your room?"

"I have a room?"

More silence…

Aizen cleared his throat, "Do you perhaps need a vacation, Ulquiorra?"

"A vacation would be lovely," Ulquiorra said in his normal tone, with a normal expression.

Grimmjow let go of his shoulders and backed away a bit. When Ulqiuorra didn't immediately burst into another screaming fit, Grimmjow figured it was safe to go back to his seat.

"Make a list of your chores—."

"Starting when?"

Aizen lifted a brow, obviously put off by the interruptions. "Pardon?"

"What hour do you want the list to start? Midnight seems most appropriate, I think…"

"You're doing chores at midnight?" Nnoitora asked in disbelief.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ulquiorra asked, cocking his head to the right and staring with adorably confused eyes.

"Why would you be?!"

"Midnight is the only time I can sweep and collect the laundry. Then after I get the first load in, I can wash the walls and collect the garbage to burn. Then I switch the laundry over and start ironing… The last of it is normally ironed about three… Then I clean the meeting hall and when that's done, I usually start working on Grimmjow's paperwork."

Grimmjow blinked, "I have paperwork?"

"And by the time I finish his paperwork, it's time to start making breakfast. So I get everything made up and in the oven or on the stove, before going through and waking everyone up. And then I set the table, finish the cooking, and serve everything by about six. If there's a late-morning meeting, I can get Stark's paperwork in too. Sometimes I can even start Halibel's paperwork."

Everyone stared a moment, while Ulquiorra leaned back in his chair.

"After breakfast, I do the dishes, fix Inoue-chan her meal, feed her, make a list of everything I need to collect from the material world, do her dishes, go shopping, watch Szayel's two annoyingly adorable girls, and help the lower-ranking arrancar train."

He took a deep breath before continuing on, "Then it's time to start making lunch. When everything's in the oven or on the stove, I do Halibel's paperwork, start Szayel's, and then it's time to set the table and serve again. After lunch, I do the dishes, finish Szayel's paperwork, and start sewing up any tears on any clothes. When that's done, I distribute the clothes to respective rooms, then make sure Yami isn't getting into trouble or destroying anything important… And I have to check the girls again. Then I start dinner, finish up paperwork, serve Inoue-chan her meal, set the table, serve dinner, do the dishes, then I can usually get a few minutes to sleep or eat depending on which is more important, before going through and sweeping the halls again."

Ulquiorra nodded at the end of his schedule, as though confirming it all to be truth.

There was silence. No one was going to say anything. No one _could_ say anything.

"So can I go to my pantry?"

Aizen waved to Grimmjow, "Why don't you show him to his room," he said shortly.

It was a strange way for them to start their day…

* * *

_Meiku: aw… I still laugh when I think of Ulqui crying…_

_Ulqui: You're a mean person…_

_Meiku: Thank you!_

_Ulqui: And this chapter isn't funny._

_Meiku: … Shut up. Break-downs can't always be funny. I have to have a little drag in there… If only to make Grimmjow's freaking out later on seem funnier than it actually is._

_Grimm: 4 reviews for this chapter before she continues on… Because… let's face it, she's trying to find where she's at with the way she writes. Only way she can do that is if you leave comments._

_Meiku: -giggles- thanks again123happyfrog and Comatose Overdose and idontseepenguins for the reviews!!_


	5. Of Cameos and Chore Lists

_Meiku: Yes I do just sit at my computer with my email open and wait for the reports of reviews to come in…_

_Grimm: She's very lonely._

_Meiku: I'm going to get another kitty. If I get a boy next time, I'm naming it Grimmy._

_Grimm: Sh-should I be happy or scared?_

_Ulqui: Both. The girl doesn't own Bleach, thank Aizen._

_Meiku: Oh I'm not that evil… Or am I?_

**_Reviewer Corner!!_**

**_xXhitsugayaXx- Like I said, I'll leave it to y'all. Because I like to please everyone, I make very vague, can be taken whatever way you want, suggestions. Like Kishimoto-sensei in Naruto does all the time. Trust me, there will only be a couple (and I do mean 2) moments like that anyway. Give the fangirls what they like, leave the fanboys with heroes in tact. -glomps- thanks for the review!!_**

**_Comatose Overdose- It is my belief that Grimmjow lived in a house with a single mom and several sisters, therefore in the case of a mental break down, he knows what to do… Being sweet to the psychotic is second nature.–glomps- thanks for the review!!_**

**_Kawaiikittey- Glad you're enjoying the way I torment the poor bat-boy! –glomps- thanks for the review!!_**

**_Idontseepenguins- I update as people review. Literally, nothing better to do with my life… -glomps- thanks for the review!!_**

**Chap Four- Of Cameos and Chore Lists**

**Well Hell, we'll swap. You draw me that, I'll write you this. Deal?**

Ulquiorra was asleep before he was even completely lying down. Grimmjow took a moment to wonder how the hell the emo had managed to forget his own room… But blew it off as one of the side effects of his break down.

Taking in his surroundings, Grimmjow noted the lack of personality. There was actually a rather thick layer of dust over everything… Maybe he really didn't sleep in his room.

While Grimmjow was wondering over Ulquiorra's state of mind, the rest of the Espada were discussing the same topic.

"He's lost it," Halibel said, "and there are no two ways around it."

"It'd be a shame to destroy him—."

"If you could, that is," Gin grinned, "because I don't honestly think I could try and kill him if he were screaming like that… Or even pouting…"

Szayel remained silent. He'd talk it over with his two little fraccion before adding anything to the conversation.

"I'll let him live for now," Aizen said, "and we'll see if time off will do anything… But while he's on his little vacation, there is the factor of his chores."

"I don't think he honestly does all of that," Barragan grunted.

"He does do a lot," Yami grumbled back.

There was a small poofing sound and blue and purple smoke suddenly by Szayel. Two girls in lab coats stood coughing.

"Szayel-san, the…" one stopped, glancing at the other espada, "project…" she said slowly, "just got out."

"So go find it."

"That's the thing, Szayel-san. We can't find it. Apparently mixing it with chameleon blood was a bad idea. Hindsight is a bitch," the other shrugged.

A cricket chirped while everyone stared at Szayel and his two fraccion.

"What about Ulqui-chan?" the one who'd just spoken asked, "He normally helps us… after handing our asses to us."

"I'm here fore the science, not the fighting," the other said.

"And since we can't depend on the rest of the Espada for anything—."

"What?!" Nnoitora yelled.

"Rin, Meiku, run along and see if you can't find your little thing," Szayel waved them off.

"We won't," one of them said before poofing away.

"She's such a pessimist. This one won't melt this time." The other poofed away as well.

Grimmjow walked in just in time to hear about the list of chores… He damned his luck and reluctantly sat down.

"The laundry will be taken care of by Nnoitora and Barragan."

The old man grumbled while Nnoitora glared.

"Cooking will be Halibel's job."

"Just because I'm a girl does not mean I can cook. You'll regret this, Aizen."

"Cleaning will be Stark and Zommari's job."

Zommari nodded, deciding he should be getting head-starts since Stark would sleep through working.

"And Grimmjow, since you did such a good job earlier, you can watch Ulquiorra and make sure he doesn't do anything like painting my walls again."

Grimmjow twitched. Great… Wonderful…

Ulquiorra pouted when the can ran out. Stupid grass-green. Couldn't it have lasted just a little longer? He was almost finished!

"Y'know, blue is a prettier color," a girl said.

Ulquiorra looked up, smiling upon seeing a familiar face. One of Szayel's girls—she probably lost her latest experiment. She did that a lot. And the other one couldn't make clones, no matter how hard she tried. Poor girls…

"I like green, thank you very much."

"Blue is better."

"Green."

"Blue."

"Green."

"Blue."

"Green."

"Blue."

"Hey! Meiku! Look! The lizard's right there!"

Rin was pointing at word bubble on Ulquiorra's comic… The word bubble that happened to be moving away… and melting…

"I told you it'd melt."

"Shut up! Science is hard."

Ulquiorra smiled, "What were you making this time?"

"We were trying to make you a little lizard pet that didn't need too much care-taking since you have to do all that work… And we didn't want it to make a mess either…" Meiku said, pouting a bit. "But like always, it failed. Sorry Ulqui-chan."

Ulquiorra blinked cutely, "Why were you making me a lizard?"

"Cause you seemed to like the little hollow ones outside and you need something to talk to that isn't your stove," Rin said.

"Besides, you haven't killed us yet."

Ulquiorra laughed with them, though he really didn't understand. It was nice to laugh.

"Oh, can one of you get me more paint?"

Meiku nodded, "Sure, sure. Blue."

"Green."

"Blue."

"Green."

* * *

_Meiku: … This chapter sucks._

_Grimm: Oh it's fine._

_Meiku: -sighs- sorry for two lame chapters in a row guys._

_Ulqui: Five comments this chapter equals a new one uploaded._

_Meiku: Thank you again to xXhitsugayaXx, Comatose Overdoes, kawaiikittey, and idontseepenguins for the reviews!!_


	6. At Least You Know It's Dead

_Meiku: -sighs- this is getting hard. I've never actually kept going with a story like this._

_Grimm: Good practice._

_Meiku: Shut up._

_Ulqui: She doesn't own Bleach. If she did, I would have mental break downs like this…_

_Meiku: Only it'd be funnier cause you could actually SEE the cute faces I imagine._

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**Thebleachdiary- Why thank you! –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Idontseepenguins- You will see this chapter how much Aizen is going to regret making Halibel the cook… And as for Grimmy's punishments… -evil giggle- -glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Comatose Overdose- But I like blue! Aah… He can kill me though, so we'll go with green. –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**123happyfrog- Yes, it is an intro to the mayhem. This chapter will have funny in it again. –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx- Meiku likes blue… -laughs- but reading the others review makes sure you don't say something that's been said several thousand times! ^.^ -glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**y- Thank you! I update as fast as I can write now-a-days. –glomps- Thanks for reviewing!!**_

**Chap 5- At Least You Know It's Dead**

**It is my personal belief that all Scottish Cuisine was based on a dare.**

Halibel tapped her foot as she stared into the kitchen. How many centuries had it been since she had cooked? And even that was just skewering the dead boar or antelope and sticking it in the fire until it was edible or putting fish over a fire and letting it preserve like the old medicine woman taught her.

She didn't know how to use a stove for fuck's sake!

She jumped when Ulquiorra slid past her and to the fridge. He withdrew two items: a Juicy-Juice box and a can of cheese. He then took a steak knife out of the drawer. He turned around, smiled and waved, then slid past her again. Halibel stared after him.

"Boy's out of his fucking mind…"

But that had already been established hadn't it? Maybe the kitchen was infected with crazy. It would be best not to bring it up or else they'd call her crazy too. And she wasn't crazy. She was pissed off. Because she didn't cook dammit!

Grimmjow was having a small panic attack. Why the hell did Ulquiorra have to disappear?! He was out of the room for a grand total of half-an-hour! How the hell did Ulquiorra manage to come out of that coma and run off?!

He noticed Zommari trying to clean up the walls—but Ulquiorra had been using long lasting paint. Very difficult to get off…

"Have you seen Ulquiorra?"

"Isn't that your job?"

"Shut up, he left before I got back!"

"Haven't seen him."

Ulquiorra found it easy to get into Szayel's lab. He'd been dodging booby traps for a long time, mainly because it was Szayel's clothes that needed washing most often. Stealing the things he needed (mainly CD's Szayel and the girls cherished), before tripping over a tray over assorted colored liquids. Staring at the hole eating into the floor, Ulquiorra shrugged and left. He had things he needed to do, none of which involved working to clean up a mess that wouldn't have been made if Szayel knew how to put things away when he was finished with them.

Gin lifted an eyebrow when Ulquiorra drifted into the computer room, humming some random song to himself.

"Hi Gin!" He smiled, looking overly cheery.

The Cuatra tapped on a few bricks before one popped open. Smiling and humming louder, he opened what looked to be a CD player, popped in six CDs, then closed it and snapped the brick shut.

"Bye Gin!" He sang as he left the computer room.

Gin stared out after him for a while before shaking his head and staring at the monitor screens. He noted Grimmjow (or, a blue blur he assumed was Grimmjow) darting around the halls. Probably looking for the mental patient. Poor Grimmjow.

Grimmjow finally found him. He was sitting in a corner in the meeting hall, sucking on a Juicy-Juice straw, making the irritating sound of when nothing left but you keep sucking and drawing that horribly annoying slurping, scraping sound…

"Oh thank fucking god I found you."

Still sucking on the straw, Ulquiorra tilted his head to the side, blinking cutely.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

Ulquiorra pointed at the kitchen door, smiling innocently.

"Bullshit! Halibel would have called me to get rid of you!"

Ulquiorra giggled while sucking on the straw, shaking his head.

Grimmjow glanced over to the kitchen door, wondering what the little emo was laughing about, then saw the flames.

"Been watching the show," Ulquiorra giggled.

Halibel stormed out with a pot. She slammed it on the table, glaring at Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. "You wanna fucking help me, assholes?!"

Grimmjow glanced at Ulquiorra, "Don't go anywhere."

Ulquiorra nodded, still sucking on the straw.

Grimmjow nodded, then went into the kitchen. Halibel had burned most of it—Ulquiorra would be pissed if he ever returned to his normal state of mind. She was banging plates and forks down on the counter.

"Take those out and set the fucking table!"

Grimmjow nodded, resisting the urge to cower in front of her, before grabbing the plates and forks and all but running away from the kitchen.

He focused on trying not to gag from the burnt smell of whatever was bubbling in the pot. Halibel came out moments later with a serving spoon. As quickly as Grimmjow set plates down, Halibel banged a spoonful of the green, black, and blue sludge onto a plate.

"So, uhm… What's for dinner?" Grimmjow asked hesitantly.

Halibel glared at him, "Scottish cuisine."

Grimmjow shivered and let himself relax once she turned back towards the kitchen. He'd skip dinner tonight. Maybe he could convince Ulquiorra to cook him something.

And that was when he noticed Ulquiorra was missing…

Halibel's voice came over the intercom, "Shitheads! It's dinner time!"

Oh… How pleasant…

* * *

_Meiku: … … … I brought the funny back I think…_

_Grimm: Now you're tormenting me!_

_Meiku: Well DUH!_

_Ulqui: -laughs- sucks to be you! I get to evil plot all over the place._

_Grimm: Are you actually losing your mind?_

_Ulqui: … Maybe…_

_Meiku: -evil giggle- Thanks again to thebleachdiary, idontseepenguins, Comatose Overdose, 123happyfrog, xXhitsugayaXx, and y!_

_Grimm: Six reviews for the chapter equals a new chapter tomorrow the way you guys have her writing._


	7. Meeting the King of Games and a Spazz

_Meiku: Sorry for the late update. My computer thought it'd be funny to turn off while I was away and I didn't save my work last time. –sigh- But anyway!_

_Grimm: She don't own Bleach._

_Ulqui: Thank Aizen._

_Meiku: Oh piss off!_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**Comatose Overdose- Every woman has her moments… -glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Blackheart- Hee hee!! Thank you! –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Thebleachdiary- It is my belief the kitchen is the cause of the crazy. And thank you! Rin and Meiku will show up every now and then with some failed experiment. They like science but they aren't very good at it. –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Idontseepenguins- Szayel's girls are little science fanatics. They just aren't very good at it. You'll find Rin loves cloning, but most of her projects wind up melting. Meiku likes gene splicing, but tends to go overboard. –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Randomguy24- Definitely was! I wonder if Aizen has learned his lesson? –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx- -giggles- Maybe he will… Or at least one of them around here will start making a list of the crazies… Who knows which one… -glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Savannah Jackson- So long as I keep getting reviewers, I'll definitely keep writing, do don't worry. –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

**Chap 6- Meeting the King of Games and a Spazz**

**There are things you have seen, that can never, ever, be unseen. You will probably wind up suppressing this until your fortieth birthday, when you break down in front of your guests, because you will look at me, and remember. And knowing that makes me smile.**

Ulquiorra wandered through the halls. He wondered if he should head back and fix whatever the mess what Halibel had made. But then again, if Grimmjow had stomach problems, he wouldn't be able to stop any of Ulquiorra's plans. And boy did he have plans!

"Ulqui-cha~~an!!"

Ulquiorra turned to see Rin and Meiku, both grinning madly.

"Yes, darlings?"

Rin held out her palm. Settled in the middle of it was a pale green hollow lizard with bright green eyes. Meiku giggled and held out three cans of bright green spray paint and a single can of bright blue spray paint. Ulquiorra squealed, the girls squealed, the lizard shrieked, and down the hall someone screamed.

Ulquiorra smiled upon seeing who that someone was. Maru, the only spazz of Stark's fraccion, was running towards them.

"Meiku! Rin! You gotta help me!"

Meiku and Rin lifted their eyebrows, glancing at each other. The put their hands on their hips and stared at him.

"What's wrong, Maru-chan?"

"Ulquiorra-sama!" Maru bowed quickly, "They're trying to eat me!"

Ulquiorra tilted his head to the side, looking behind Maru. He saw nothing to speak of.

"What are trying to eat you?"

Meiku grinned, "If he's seeing things, maybe we'll be allowed to study his brain."

Rin giggled, "Can I have whatever's left over for my Frankenstein?"

Ulquiorra huffed, "Don't dissect Maru-chan."

Maru bowed lower, "Thank you Ulquiorra-sama. But there really are things trying to eat me! I think something escaped Szayel's wing."

"You're a pussy," another familiar voice called—Ulquiorra had to grin.

"Finally coming out of the game room?"

"Shut the fuck up, Cuatra. Sloths live longer," Arrekusu said, yawning.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and picked up one of the cans of paint that Meiku had set down. He shook it and listened as Meiku and Arrekusu started shouting at each other—he wasn't really concerned with what, but Meiku could inspire the most creative images by explaining what she'd do to people when they angered her. He was waiting for a creative spark… He was running low on decoration ideas.

"So, Maru, what exactly is chasing you?" Rin asked, leaning against the wall, adjusting her sleeves

"It's a bunch of giant dragons with these ugly bug eyes and a blue tongue and has yellow wings and they're trying to EAT ME!!"

Rin nodded slowly, "Yeah, that was the first kind we tried to make for Ulqui-san, but it kinda sucked. We were looking for cute! Like this little guy!" Rin held the little lizard up and smiled. "Isn't he just the cutest! I think I've got the hang of reptile cloning. Now if only I could do the same with mamales…" She put the little lizard (almost like a gecko) on Ulquiorra's shoulder.

"You'll get the hang of it," Ulquiorra said confidently, staring at the blank wall and deciding he wanted to draw a dragon.

"Is no one at all concerned that there's a bunch of giant fuck-all dragons running around ready to rape everyone?" Maru shouted, having a mini spazz attack.

Ulquiorra shrugged, starting to draw. He rather liked the green Meiku had picked out for him. He'd have to remember this one when he went shopping later.

"These dragons are itty-bitty compared to the ones I had to fight when you fucks left me ALONE outside!"

Meiku rolled her eyes, "The dragons you fought get bigger and bigger every time you tell the story, otouto."

"Fuck you, ne-san."

"I'm starting to think you didn't even fight any dragons. They were probably on your little stupid Xbox—."

Arrekusu growled, "DON'T CALL MY XBOX STUPID!! NONE OF MY GAMING SYSTEMS ARE STUPID!! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, NE-SAN!"

"I'm already dead, otouto."

Ulquiorra giggled and drew a pair of teenagers beside the dragon, cursing. The lizard on his shoulder purred—Ulquiorra giggled and stroked its back. It purred again.

"I'm naming you Teh Awezomg."

Rin laughed, "Cute."

Grimmjow was, to put it lightly, a little pissed he couldn't find a way to dodge dinner. Esspecially since the goo wound up being sticky and thick. The taste was enough to break most men into tears. Halibel hadn't so much cooked as assassinated taste buds.

She, on the other hand, had wolfed down three helpings, Yami even taking four. Stark used his as a pillow—it managed to not get in his hair by some mirical, but reacted oddly with his drool making it turn hot pink.

By the end, Grimmjow and Szayel were going hungry—much to Halibel's complaint—and both were wondering what kind of experiments could be cooked up from this stuff. Szayel would have the girls work on it once they finished with their little… lizard project.

As dinner drew to an end, Szayel and Grimmjow bolted out.

"Think you can get Ulquiorra to cook us something?"

"Depends on what's in it for me."

Szayel smiled sweetly, "I won't put things in your food anymore."

Grimmjow's eyes widened and he paled, "You WHAT?!"

Szayel hummed and walked down the hall, "No matter. We should locate Ulquiorra in any case. Imagine the trouble he could be in."

Ulquiorra and Rin were sitting outside Grimmjow's room, playing with Teh Awezomg (Awe for short) and waiting for Grimmjow to come back from dinner. They discussed human cloning, arrancar cloning, yaoi, the Greek Gods, happy hardcore, Meiku's obsession with blue, Meiku's infatuation with Grimmjow's release form and her desire to pet his ears, Rin's love of Starbursts, the awesomeness of Pocky, and the very philosophical question of which came first, the chicken or the egg?

They also managed to completely forget about the dragons loose in Los Noches.

But no matter, there would be plenty of time to deal with it later. There were more important things at hand—such as getting Grimmjow to let them in his room. Grimmjow was kind of paranoid, Ulquiorra mused. He wished he hadn't of dropped his keys in Szayel's wing. They were long lost in there. Dragons might have eaten them already…

* * *

_Meiku: Eh. Rushed myself with this because I didn't want to post something very late. I meant to have this up as soon as I got home this afternoon but… -pout- oh well._

_Grimm: … … … I wasn't in here a lot._

_Meiku: Cause I was trying to introduce the two who will, eventually, help Meiku and Rin help Ulquiorra do something destructive…_

_Ulqui: I like destruction…_

_Meiku: -giggles- really is losing it. Thanks again to Comatose Overdoes, Blackheart, thebleachdiary, idontseepenguins, Randomguy24, xXhitsugayaXx, and Savannah Jackson for the reviews!_

_Grimm: We'll keep it at six to continue, though seven would be awesome._


	8. You're Allowed to Kill Me

_Meiku: … … …_

_Grimm: She's being stupid_

_Meiku: I am not!_

_Grimm: Why is there no chapter?_

_Meiku: … … … -cries-_

_Grimm: … … … CRAP! Ulquiorra help!_

_Ulqui: She doesn't own Bleach._

_Grimm: Wrong kind of help!_

_Ulqui: Don't care._

**IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR THIS CHAPTER!**

**My brain has broken due to illness, and I cannot think of how to get my idea for 7 on paper… er … Word Document… So while trying to push away the writer's block, I'm going to post a few little song inspired drabbles that deal with the Vacation with Pay universe. Shoot me if you will… T^T**

_**Reviewer Corner (because I'll forget by the time I get to 7)!!**_

_**Idontseepenguins- Well, not so much he's going to do something bad to the room… Ah, you'll see. –huggles- thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Hayato bomber- thanks**_

_**xXhistugayaXx- Arrekusu is actually Stark's fraccion with Maru. Those two… Will be helpful, we'll say. –huggles- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**Randomguy24- Yes… Yes you do… -evil giggle- -glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**deathnoteno1fan-codegeasslover- (boy you have a long name) Isn't he so freakin' cute! I love him! Here's your update! –glomps- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_**LilBrokenDolly- Thank you, Awe seems to be getting a lot of comments. –glomps- thank you for all your reviews!!**_

_**123happyfrog- You return! Yey! And well… Grimmy's room will be… pretty, let's say, but the time chap 8 comes up. -huggles- thanks for reviewing!!**_

_Mordred's Lullaby:_

Ulquiorra really was very cute when he was asleep. Arrekusu grinned, letting his pencil flow swiftly over the notebook paper, knowing if Ulquiorra were to wake he'd be ceroed. Mainly because Ulquiorra hated the fact his guard would drop completely when he finally got to collapse.

But hey, Arrekusu was getting paid for this. Meiku-oneesan owed him big for this.

_Pretty Rave Girl:_

Grimmjow was a little disturbed… Okay a lot disturbed. Because he had never in a million years been one to think that Ulquiorra of all people would be one to dance—much less dance to raver music, with two girls and a guy, and laugh while doing so. And know every single word to every song.

"Kinda funny how easy it is to entertain him, ne?"

Grimmjow lifted a brow, but the gamer was already turning his music back up.

_Dance Dance:_

Ulquiorra had himself shoved up under Grimmjow's desk. His laptop was playing Fallout Boy, Dance Dance, at full blast. Awe was on his hind legs, dancing to the song. Ulquiorra was giggling, singing along with the song. Grimmjow tried not to smile at how very adorable his superior was being… Of course, realizing Ulquiorra could very well be stuck like this wiped the smile away. Grimmjow didn't think he could handle it if he had to watch Ulquiorra like this until his dying day…

_Don't Trust Me:_

Meiku was swinging her hips as she walked through the hallway, purring out the lyrics of whatever was playing on her iPod. She barely noticed Stark sleeping in a corner of the hallway. Figuring the Primera would be safer where the dragons weren't running about, she pushed him in a closet and continued to the kitchen. Grimmjow had asked for her help to find Ulquiorra, and she was positive he'd be in the pantry sleeping. Poor boy couldn't sleep by himself anywhere else… Of course, it was rather unsafe in the kitchen now that Halibel had decided to try cooking…

_Bad Touch:_

Rin smiled a little as she tried for not the first time to extract just a little bit of DNA from Grimmjow. She wanted to make a kitten, but it had to be strong enough to survive here… And seeing how Grimmjow was feline…

She squeaked and hid behind Meiku when Grimmjow noticed.

"What the fucking hell!?"

"Oh she just wants to create a kitty-cat. Won't you help just a bit, Grimmjow-sama?" Meiku purred, holding herself so her chest seemed to swell in Grimmjow's face.

After a moment, Grimmjow growled and smacked both girls upside the head. "No and not gonna work!"

"Try using a lower cut shirt," Orihime said once Grimmjow had turned around to try to get Ulquiorra back in the room. "It worked on Ichigo and the other boys all the time for me."

"Yeah but you've got…" Meiku stumbled over her words, staring at Orihime's chest, "what the hell are those, F?"

"Yeah, I think."

**_I'll stop there… I'm going to take another Sudafed and hide back in my room again… Sorry sorry sorry for not getting up chap 7! Really really really sorry!! T^T_**


	9. Go Ahead and Shoot

_Grimm: She's ignoring you guys._

_Meikus: NO I'M NOT!! –cries- I hate this. As soon as the fever goes away, it comes right back. I feel like crap! I'm sorry guys!! I can't get what I want for Chap 7 down. It comes out sounding really stupid._

_Ulqui: Mainly because, Sudafed and her brain don't create funny. It creates dark and evil. Hence why 'Turning from Humanity' is doing so well right now._

_Meiku: -pouts- but I want to do Vacation with Pay! I'll give you guys this short little drabble I wrote about Awe during notes in Physics (Aizen and Jashin I hate that class!!) as a peace offering until 7 writes down properly._

_**Reviewer Corner!! (cause I'm dumb and forget easily)**_

_**123HappyFrog- Kyaa! Thank you for commenting on my stupid little drabbles… ^.^**_

_**crazykk2- Well they can't possibly still be D's! Not even DD!! As for the DNA… Not going to have any true yaoi in here (but for quiet a bit of it, if you turn your head this way and squint you'll probably see some cause I have a tendency to not be able to stay completely friends in my writing)… Thank you for commenting my stupidity!**_

_**LilBrokenDolly- Thank you thank you for commenting on my stupidity.**_

* * *

It was not so much the fact he was unused to being outside the lab—his creators had taken him out numerous times. It was the fact that he had never before seen a boy with green tears running down his face. Or one with his jawbone on the outside of his face. He was… amazed and astonished.

But to be named something like 'The Awezomg' was ludicrous!! Why, in all chemically founded creation, would the loon he was currently perched on name him something so… far-fetched?!

Ah well, he rolled his eyes and purred under the gentle petting of his new master. His creators were right when they said the boy was stressed. He could feel the waves of over-worked lunacy rolling off him like waves of the sea. Ah the sea… Merely pictures and theories to him, but he imagined it to be very pretty. Maybe he could telepathically tell his master to take him there sometime. When the boy was feeling better of course.

_

* * *

_

Meiku: … Know what, just for kicks and giggles, I'm gonna throw in one more drabble I wrote during Biology (why am I taking these classes again?).

* * *

Ulquiorra-sama was amused, Awe could see that. Maybe it was the little yellow dots on the wall, or maybe it was the yellow dots on Grimmjow-sama's mask fragment, but either way it amused Ulquiorra-sama greatly. And what was Awe's job if not to entertain the master? He lacked purpose without it. He was designed specifically to entertain the poor boy.

So he wandered through the green paint and padded up the wall. The girl with the big chest was giggling. He liked her. She was sweet and even tempered unlike the other big-chested girl. He hopped up a meter or so, then curved his path downward and back up to form a semi-circle. He walked straight back to his starting point, so that the image he had created looked like a D on its side. He hopped up another half a meter, walking straight up, the hopped over a bit and walked straight down. He jumped to Ulquiorra-sama's side to admire his work. Yes, the cute little happy face on the girl's wall was perfect for her. He wondered if maybe the master would bring some paint back to Grimmjow-sama's room… The kitty-cat deserved a little life on his walls as well.

_Meiku: Ah… I was bored, can you tell?_

_Grimm: I hope so._

_Meiku: -pouts- Don't be mean._

_Ulqui: You can always put him in a dress in a fic…_

_Meiku: … … … Cross-dressing Grimmy-kitty… I like the sound of it…_

_Grimm: EEP!!_

_Meiku: Again…_ _**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


	10. Bedtime and Breakfast

_Meiku: HEY!_

_Grimmjow: Her fever was only 99.1 all day so she's hyper._

_Meiku: I'M NOT ILL!!! Sorta… Still felt like I was gonna puke but I have energy! YEY! Anyway, I was waiting to post this until Rin-chan got me the bio I needed… To make sure the character was right, y'know._

_Grimm: Weirdos._

_Meiku: So yey! Finally have a new chapter! I'm no longer brain dead._

_Ulqui: I'm not so sure about that… She doesn't own Bleach, be thankful._

_Meiku: Hey! I have … people who are willing to review even my stupidity…_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**123HappyFrog- I will try to always bring the funny in this story… No matter how brain-dead I am. Thanks for reviewing my stupidity!**_

_**LilBrokenDolly- Thank you for being concerned! And don't worry. I have things plotted out that will involve Hime-chan and cuteness… Thanks for reviewing my stupidity!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx- I suppose so… but for having neglected the story for so long I expected to be struck dead. ^.^ Thanks for reviewing my stupidity!**_

**Chap 7- Bedtime and Breakfast**

It doesn't matter how old I am, I still want stories before bed!

Ulquiorra smiled when Grimmjow arrived.

"What are you doing here?"

Ulquiorra blinked cutely, "Waiting on you."

"Why?"

Ulquiorra smiled sweetly, "Cause I don't remember where my room is. I'm sleepy."

"Awww," Rin giggled, hugging Ulquiorra. Normally she wouldn't have dared, but he hadn't killed Arrekusu for cursing at him, so she figured she was okay. Besides, who could resist such cuteness!

Ulquiorra giggled and leaned into the hug. His eyelids dropped slightly. Grimmjow rolled his eyes and unlocked the door, allowing Ulquiorra to wander in.

"Uhm, Grimmjow-san?" Rin asked in a soft voice before he could follow the Cuatra.

"What?"

"About Ulquiorra-sama's sleeping habits…" She trailed off.

Grimmjow turned to her, studying her for the first time. She had black hair just past her shoulders and big brown eyes. Unlike most other Arrancar, she had no markings and appeared to have no mask fragment (unless it was the goggles hanging from her neck). Her out fit was also odd, being almost completely black: black shirt with a hem too short, black arm warmers, black shorts, black socks going up under the shorts, black leg warmers, and black boots. In fact, the only traditionally white thing she wore was her white lab coat with the sleeves cut short. She was very… Odd, for an arrancar.

Just looking at her had Grimmjow pissed off. "What?" He snapped.

"Well… Ulquiorra-sama can't sleep alone. He—."

Grimmjow let out a growl and slammed the door in her face. He didn't care for her advice.

Rin stood in the hall for a moment. She sighed, and shook her head. He would learn soon enough, she supposed. She had work to do… Such as making a few shock collars for when she finally got her dragons back in their pit. And she wanted to start working on a new project. A bird maybe… A cat would be fun to make. Maybe a shark?

Grimmjow flopped onto the couch after seeing Ulquiorra already curled up on the center of the bed. He looked very child-like, one hand cupped under his cheek.

Grimmjow was asleep maybe three seconds before the crying—screaming?—ripped him from pleasant dreams. Panic ran through him and "I'm fucked" ran through his mind like a broken record when he noticed Ulquiorra was not still on his bed. It took only a few moments for him to realize that the bat was shoved up under his desk, knees to his chest and face in his hands.

Grimmjow dropped to his knees in front of him, trying to hush and coo and quiet him. He was able to pull Ulquiorra out enough to get his arms around him.

"Shhh, what's wrong? What happened?"

Ulqiuorra only let out a soft sob and pressed his face into his knees. Grimmjow cooed and rocked his superior gently. After what seemed like forever, the bat calmed, still whimpering. Grimmjow decided to not try to get the reason why he had freaked out. He couldn't deal with much more freaking out. Instead, he purred out a lullaby and resolved to talk to Szayel's girl in the morning.

Rin didn't look up when her partner hopped up to sit on the table.

"Heard Ulqui-chan crying."

"Grimmy-kun didn't want me to talk to him."

Meiku nodded, letting out a sigh. "Just like a man."

Rin smirked and rolled her eyes. This current project was taking more time than she expected.

"Think he'll figure out Ulqui-chan likes to be held?"

"Eventually. Until then, I'll feel bad for Ulquiorra-san…"

Rin lifted an eyebrow, "You've enough emotion to feel bad for someone?"

"Oh shut up," Meiku hissed, whapping her friend on the arm. "I feel most of the time."

"Like I believe that." Rin rolled her eyes and jumped when her little doll suddenly screamed. "HAH! I got it!"

"It'll melt."

"Don't be such a pessimistic bitch."

Meiku giggled and jumped to her feet. "Well, for a new little living thing, let's celebrate. Starbursts and wine!"

"I'm in!"

Ulquiorra woke up curled up against Grimmjow in front of the desk. He slipped away from the sleeping Sexta and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He felt… well rested… Which was odd… Because he didn't get to be well rested. He had energy.

He took off towards the kitchen, stopping outside Grimmjow's room to pull Awe off the wall and place him on his shoulder. The lizard purred lightly, blinking lazy green eyes.

Halibel was trying to make breakfast—something involving eggs, sausage, and chili peppers—so Ulquiorra was quiet while slipping in the pantry, stealing coffee and a few boxes of granola bars.

He met with Meiku and Rin not far from Orihime-chan's room. He intended to visit her—seeing how most seemed to have forgotten the little princess needed to be fed.

Grimmjow yawned and shook himself. Why was he leaned uncomfortably against his desk with handles sticking into his back? Oh yeah, the psychopath was having a freak out… Where was Ulquiorra?

"Shitheads! Breakfast time!" Halibel called over the intercom.

Grimmjow grimaced. He didn't want to go to breakfast, but he hadn't been able to get Ulquiorra to feed him last night… He was starving.

He prayed Halibel hadn't decided to make Scottish Cuisine again…

* * *

_Meiku: Short but sweet in my opinion._

_Grimm: She only cuts it off here cause she's falling asleep now._

_Meiku: Shut up! My room makes me sleepy… I was able to write this up during class though so… HAH! I WIN!_

_Grimm: … O-okay?_

_Ulqui: Let's try seven reviews to continue? Think we can do that?_


	11. Princess Powerhouse

_Meiku: …_

_Grimm: She's kind of fuming right now…_

_Ulqui: Three reviews short, but she still feels like posting because of the four loyal reviewers…_

_Meiku: Taking it out on you guys this chapter though…_

_Grimm: … She don't own Bleach…_

_**Reviewer Corner!! (I love you four, more than you can realize)**_

_**xXhistsugayaXx- ^.^ All recovered now! And you're right… Grimmy is getting good at this calming down crazies thing… Maybe Aizen should appoint him as the Espada's psychologist… Ah, ideas, ideas…**_

_**idontseepenguins- you're about to find out… Sorry the update took so long.**_

_**123HappyFrog- I can be glomped now! Ah, sorry for the late update.**_

_**Crazykk2- ^.^ I tend to make those even though I try not to… Actually, I tend to make any kind of friendship scene into more of a fluffy lovish scene… Oh well.**_

_**All four of you… I LOVE YOU GUYS! PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING! I'm sorry I took so long to update. It won't happen again so long as I get you four!**_

**Chapter 8: Powerhouse Princess—Yeah She Can Kick Your Ass**

**Why are there no realistic stories of the man pussing out in the end and the woman having to take care of things by herself, ultimately being the bigger and better person?**

Orihime stared out the window, playing connect the dots with the forever present stars. Gods was she bored. Couldn't they at least get her some manga… Maybe a couple dirty-girl novels? She could use a good romance right now…

She heard the door open, felt Ulquiorra's familiar reitsu… Huffing she started to turn to face him.

"HI HIME-CHAN!!"

…

…

…

What the fuck?!

Spinning to be sure she was right about the person who had entered her room, she found Ulquiorra standing in the entrance, a box of granola bars in one hand, coffee in the other, and a huge, adorable grin planted on his face.

…

…

…

**_WHAT THE FUCK!?!?_**

He didn't seem to wait for any response from her, instead went to plop down on her couch. She stared at him, then glanced at the two girls who had been behind him. She recognized them as Szayel's fraccion. Meiku had brought her music a few times, and Rin had tried to steal DNA for an experiment…

"What's wrong with him?" She whispered.

"He's out of his fucking mind," Meiku whispered back, giggling.

Orihime made a noise, "Well, duh."

"He's been acting like a toddler. And he cries easily so… Watch out."

Orihime lifted a brow, "Ulquiorra can cry?"

Meiku giggled, "That's what I said first time I saw it!"

Orihime turned back to look at Ulquiorra, who was struggling to get the box open. She glanced at Meiku, who shrugged and whapped her on the back.

"Have fun, hon. I'll bring some tunes by in a bit, mmkay?"

"Yeah sure."

Rin waved as they both left. Ulquiorra let out a soft whine, still struggling with the box.

Grimmjow sat down timidly. Szayel glanced at him.

"Where's Ulqiuorra?"

"Not a clue."

"There's a hole in my lab floor, and he's the only one who could have gotten in and caused that hole… If anything else happens, I'm experimenting on you."

"Like you could."

Szayel smiled, "Is it really a good idea to challenge my scientific intentions, Grimmjow?"

Grimmjow lifted a brow… "Probably not…"

Halibel came out and slammed a platter down. She lifted a serving-fork full of glowing red … mush… and slammed it down on a plate. She handed the plate to Yami and dug out another fork-full. Grimmjow felt a weak but obvious pulse of fear run through him when she handed him his plate. He really did not want to be poisoned…

"Why is it glowing?"

"Mine's moving."

"It smells like rotten meat."

"I don't think I'm hungry anymore…"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT IT YOU PUSSIES!"

Halibel shoveled in a spoonful of her mush and hummed pleasantly. Apparently she thought it tasted good. But, then again, she's a shark… Sharks eat anything. Grimmjow wondered if she even had taste buds.

Yami was the next to taste it. Well, he didn't really taste it, he just swallowed it in one gulp and held his plate out for seconds.

Szayel poked at it. His fork melted on contact.

Grimmjow excused himself and took off. He preferred life, thank you very much…

Orihime watched as Ulquiorra hummed looking around her room with big, childish eyes. He was acting rather adorable, she concluded, and kind of didn't want him to go back to being his normal, apathetic, corpse-like self. Besides, he had been babbling about it being boring for her and wanting to redo some things so that she would be more comfortable. The lizard on his shoulder purred lightly when she ran a finger down it's back.

"His name is Teh Awezomg."

"Teh Awezomg?"

Ulquiorra nodded, "Awe for short."

Orihime giggled, Ulquiorra smiled, Awe purred loudly.

Orihime rather liked this. She didn't think she'd mind being here so much if things stayed like this.

* * *

_Meiku: Ending there cause… My brain's not functioning correctly… Need more sugar._

_Grimm: Why do you torment me with Halibel's cooking?_

_Szayel: What I wanna know is why the hell I just now get to be involved in your little after chats?_

_Meiku: Because Ulquiorra just quit—_

_Grimm: WE CAN DO THAT?!_

_Meiku: He can, you can't._

_Grimm: -devastated-_

_Szayel: Ten reviews or all the four who reviewed last chapter review again. But if it goes like that, she's only going to update once a week instead of the second she hits her mark posting the next chapter. Understood?_


	12. Panicking will NOT find Crazy any Faster

_Meiku: Ah, my brain is dysfunctional._

_Grimm: She's blaming procrastination on writer's block._

_Szayel: Reasonable excuse._

_Grimm: You only say that cause she's your side-kick!_

_Szayel: I do not. I say it cause she brings me sexy men to experiment on._

_Ulqui: She does not own Bleach. She doesn't have the ability to keep up with a story long enough to get to the Winter War anyway_

_Meiku: HEY!_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**AvyBby-Renya-of-Sweetness- And I can't explain how much I enjoy getting comments! Thank you!**_

_**Anonomous Hearts- ^.^ But he will have to in order for the story to end…**_

_**Idontseepenguins- ^.^ Thank you!**_

_**Comatose Overdose- -giggles- Well thanks a bundle for making time to review. Helps my ever diminishing self-esteem to recover a bit.**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx- ^.^ He'll remain in the toddler-like phase for a while. Too many people seem to like him all cutified like this. And the UlquiHime-ness will remain for a while too, since… Well, I have a lot involving Orihime-chan planned…**_

_**crazykk2- He'll get food this chapter… -coughsimlyingcoughs-.**_

_**123HappyFrog- I've gotten crackalackin (it is a fun word!) and have conjured this… chaotic mess of a chapter. I hope you're better now.**_

_**Crimsonwolf333- ^.^ Thank you!**_

_**Kai-Chan94- Hope you enjoy! ^.^**_

**Chapter Nine: Panicking Will Not Find Crazy Any Faster!**

**Have you ever had those moments when you're watching the news and a report on a child sitting in a strip joint comes on, and you realize: That's the kid you're watching?**

Grimmjow was wandering around the halls, muttering to himself about getting a fucking bell for the loon. Why was he stuck with this job again? Because he knew how to take care of a screaming child? Which is what Ulquiorra was now, really. Just a child with too much time and no productive outlets. He really should find something for Ulquiorra to do. But hey, second day on the job, he was allowed to make a few mistakes…

Right?

Orihime giggle as the lizard preformed complex acrobatic tricks. Ulquiorra was giggling with her, still struggling with the granola bars box. Finally taking pity on the boy, Orihime took the box and opened it effortlessly. Really, how much had Ulquiorra lost in his little break down?

"Thank you, Hime-chan!" Ulquiorra squealed, leaning over to peck her on the cheek.

Staring at him for a long, long moment, Orihime wondered how long she would be able to see him like this.

"My Lord and fair Princess!" Meiku called, dancing through the door of Orihime's room. "And most masterful reptile." She added at the undignified huff Awe let out. "I bring a vast multitude of music. But I can't find my mix CD… Which is weird, cause I swear I left it in Szayel-sama's computer the other night. Anyway, I to get the lists cause I'm gonna do the shopping while Ulqui-chan is taking a break."

"I wanna go!" Ulquiorra whined. "There are thing I wanna get too."

Orihime giggled; Meiku sighed, "Well, if I take you, that defeats the purpose of me going instead of you. You might as well go by yourself."

"Okay!"

"But get everything, and I do mean everything, on the lists. Cause I need some of the things on their for…" She paused, looking at the both of them warily, "projects…" she murmured, before loosing the suspicious composure and smiling broadly. "Plus, Rin is out of Starbursts and she will fucking kill whoever crosses her path when she hasn't had her Starbursts in a while."

Ulquiorra whined, eyebrows knitting together and a pout forming on his lips, "I know how to shop, Mei-chan."

"Have you seen Ulquiorra?"

The question seemed to be flying through Los Noches. Gin found it all too amusing to watch Grimmjow become more and more agitated. It was funnier watching smaller fraccion be eaten by the giant lizards. And then the newest little project… A plot to get Halibel out of the kitchen, perhaps? Or just a suck-up attempt that would probably go over perfectly… Ah, either way, it was fun to watch.

Grimmjow darted from one monitor to the next, the same question being asked every time he ran into a person. Save for the time he ran into Szayel scowling at another hole in the floor. Pretty lizards had acidic slobber it seemed… Ah well.

Gin giggled, changing the direction of the hall ahead of Grimmjow. There was no reason to let him find Ulquiorra so soon. Especially when the cute little loon was about to go visit the Living World. Ah, the fun that Gin could only assume would happen. Too bad he wouldn't be able to see… Unless…

Giggling and applauding his own brilliance, Gin called Szayel's lab. He knew JUST the thing to liven up his day a little.

Arrekusu watched as Maru ran screaming into the room

"THEY'RE STILL THERE!"

Grimmjow wandered in, looking behind his shoulder like he'd just seen a two-story dragon parading through globs of acid-created holes behind it.

"Have you guys seen Ulquiorra?"

"No."

"Oh no! The dragons must have eaten him like they've been trying to eat me! Oh horror!"

Both Arrekusu and Grimmjow stared at Maru for a moment.

"Have you seen Meiku?"

"No, but if you see her, tell her she's a heartless bitch and my bed is getting cold."

Grimmjow nodded, rolling his eyes, and left. If he could just find Meiku he was sure he would find Ulquiorra. Or maybe he should look for Rin. Or not look for Rin. That worked when he wanted to find her. She would know where Ulquiorra was.

* * *

Meiku: God this chapter sucks. Short and shitty.

Grimm: Yeah.

Szayel: Definitely.

Ulqui: You fail at life.

Meiku: -sobs-

Szayel: Five. That's a nice compromise isn't it? Five reviews equals another hopefully better chapter. But don't count on it with this girl author.


	13. Cooking Dirty Cheer with a Touch of Pop

_Meiku: Ugh. Sorry guys I'm bringing you drabbles again._

_Szayel: But it's a good reason. Studying for finals is stressful._

_Meiku: Friday afternoon I'll be posting on this and Turning from Humanity and Petals of a Rose. So, this will hopefully tie you over until then._

_Grimm: She used random word generator for this so… pardon her random._

_Ulqui: She does not own Bleach._

_**Reviewer Corner:**_

_**Idontseepenguins- ^.^ I didn't really mean to have Ulqui become so childish, but it's cute. I think I'll stick with it for a while. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**123HappyFrog- Yey! –glomps- And yeah, I was trying to set up the Dragons, Ulqui's visit to the Living World, and Gin's sudden interest in… someone… Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx- Well a lot of things are gonna happen… And you'll just have to keep coming back to see… Friday. I promise you. You will laugh. Or at least have to "aww" over the cuteness of Ulqui-chan… Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Loveulquiarra- ^.^ Thank you very much!**_

_**AngelReaper85- Thank you thank you! Major ego-booster there. Much needed too.**_

**Cooking:**

Grimmjow was in awe the first time he tried Meiku's cooking. Maybe it was because his last few meals had been still alive and screaming on his plate… Or the fact he was a starving man… Either way, he was in awe. Though he still wished Ulquiorra would start cooking again.

**Cheer:**

It was all in good humor. Really. It had just been a mild prank. Gin didn't think it would have gone so far as to kill sixteen lesser arrancar… But really, who couldn't cheer when a dragon grown in a test-tube killed sixteen of the "toughest" arrancar in the area?

**Dirty:**

It still amazed Aizen how dirty Los Noches had gotten in the three days Ulquiorra had been out of work. There was grime and dirt and sand everywhere. It was disgusting, yet Aizen could only feel a mild annoyance. He had, after all, worked Ulquiorra to the point of insanity. He had no right to complain about the sad state his palace was in. Still, something about the dirtiness made him feel…

**Touch:**

Ulquiorra responded best to touch. Warnings would go in one ear and out the other. Threats only brought screaming and tears. Grimmjow found it easiest to just put his hand on top of Ulquiorra's and gently take the can of spray paint away. And if the Cuatra started pouting, Grimmjow found it necessary to wrap the petit Espada in a soft hug and hold him until he started squirming and whining. Perhaps that was more the protective big brother side of him…

**Pop:**

Rin sighed. The experiment just kind of… popped into her head one day. She hadn't really thought to do anything more than muse on the subject. But when Meiku had graciously accepted Gin's proposal to help watch over Ulquiorra-sama… Well…

She was, at least, on better terms with Gin after the turn of events. And Gin had more power than Ulquiorra and Grimmjow…

* * *

_Meiku: Eh… Need to get back to French… -pouts-_

_Grimm: At least you'll be done Friday._

_Meiku: Friday… I swear I'll get the new chapter up Friday. I have editing to do on it still and then it'll go up. PROMISE!_


	14. Screwing with Your Mind

_Meiku: YES! New chapter, long break, and I've washed my hands of Physics!_

_Szayel: Only to go into a harder English class._

_Meiku: I like research. And perhaps I will be able to finally get my book printed…_

_Grimm: The people who would read would read your work are disturbing people._

_Meiku: … That's it. Insult me all you want Grimmy, but insulting my readers is going too damn far! –starts working on the chapter eleven- We'll see how well you fair this time…_

_Grimm: EEP!_

_Szayel: She doesn't own Bleach. But sometimes, don't you wish she did?_

_**Reviewer Corner!!**_

_**123HappyFrog: The update you were looking forward to. And it's the weekend—and for me a long break… Means expect more chapters faster…**_

_**ARandomKitty: Meiku is glad Random Kitty likes the cutie Ulqui. Here's my promised update!**_

_**xXhitsugayaXx: Finally Friday. ^.^ Cuteness arrives in the form of innocent and childish Ulqui. And humor in a guest appearance.**_

**Chapter Ten: Screwing with Your Mind**

**It's another one of those mysteries; like why did no one ever figure out Superman was just Clark Kent without the glasses?**

Grimmjow glared at the door—er, hole in the wall that used to be a door. Because standing in the door that is no longer a door but just a hole in the wall, was Szayel.

"Grimmjow," he nodded, before dodging out of the way of some kind of yellowish green liquid splashing on the floor. It immediately began eating away at the concrete. "I don't supposed you've seen Rin anywhere, have you?"

"Not recently."

"Oh… Well damn." He drew his blade and cut at a clawed hand-like paw coming at him. "If you do see her, will you tell her to get to work on her little shock collars? I rather like the idea of the creature she's created but it's too rebellious right now."

Grimmjow nodded and watched as the yellowish green liquid splashed down again. Maybe going in the other direction would be a good idea…

Gin was overly cautious walking into Szayel's main lab. With every right, honestly, if you stopped and thought about it. The psychopathic scientist was obsessed with keeping his personal projects top secret. Gin doubted even the subordinates that helped him knew what he was doing half the time.

He spotted Rin in front of some tanks, her back to him, working hard on whatever creature was on the table in front of her. He noted the shark like thing in one tank, and a turtle like creature in another.

"What're those?"

Rin let out a squeak and whipped around. Gin had to dodge a scalpel, which stuck three inches into the wall behind him. He gulped as he watched her yank a curtain in front of the tanks and table.

"Why are you in here?! Did Szayel-sama give you permission? Didn't think so! Get out! Get out! Out out out!!" She flung another scalpel at him, which cut a few hairs as he dodged it.

"Calm down, I have a favor I need to ask you."

She glared darkly, lifting her chin and rolling her wrists. Her hand went into her lab coat and metal glinted menacingly in as she withdrew it again.

"I need a creature…"

Ulquiorra giggled lightly as Meiku sighed and took his hand. He liked the sunlight. He wished there was real sunlight at Los Noches. Meiku tugged his hand, pulling him towards the grocery store.

Things seemed a lot different from the last time he had been to the Living World. Last time, people had stared at him coldly, they were short tempered and rude. This time though, they were friendly, spoke slowly and were sweet. He wondered why that was.

"Ulqui-chan, c'mon. We still need to go to the book store, and I have a few errands I need to run as well."

He smiled and followed obediently. He curled his fingers around Meiku's and giggled. He rather liked it here. He decided he wanted to stay as long as possible.

Grimmjow shuddered. He couldn't sense Ulquiorra anywhere. Where the hell had that bastard gone? How far could a crazy really wander? Even after checking the pantry, his room, the meeting hall, Meiku's little anime room, the library, and the game room, Grimmjow couldn't find the idiot anywhere. Getting desperate, he started looking for Rin. She would know where he was. Wouldn't she?

Meiku smiled as she walked into the shop. She loved this little place.

"Ulqui-chan, there are candies in that aisle. You can pick out whatever you want."

The Cuarta brightened up, if that was possible, and darted off towards the candy. Meiku giggled to herself and leaned over the counter.

"Urahara-san?"

The blond shop keeper popped up, smiling sweetly. "Meiku-chan! It's been so long I thought you'd forgotten about me."

Meiku giggled, "Like I could ever do that. How does anyone ever forget you?"

They amused their selves in small talk for a time, while Ulquiorra wandered the aisle looking for a bigger bag of Starbursts. Rin had said she wanted some the other night, and he wanted to nice. Besides, if he found a big bag, he could share some with Orichime-chan too.

"What the fuck is he doing here?!"

Ulquiorra looked up, blinking cutely, trying to remember the name of the orange haired boy pointing at him, reaching for something.

"He's buying something."

"Technically, I'm buying it."

"WHY ARE THERE ARRANCAR IN HERE?!"

Why was this boy being so loud? It was unnecessary and it hurt Ulquiorra's ears. His brows knitted together.

"Meiku-chan…" he whined.

"Urahara-san, who is the boy and why is he making such a fuss?"

"I don't know and I don't know. Boy, whoever you are, get out of my shop. You're disturbing my customers."

The orange haired boy spun around, looking disbelieving and mildly pissed.

"The fuck are you talking about?"

"I said get out. Before I call the cops."

His jaw dropped, "You—! Fine!" He stormed out.

There was silence for a moment.

"Meiku-chan, I want this."

Meiku smiled and took the bag, then continued talking on with Urahara.

Grimmjow was in full-blown freak out mode. He lost Ulquiorra. Who was childish and innocent and had no idea how to fight. Who was fragile and easily agitated. He had lost him.

Aizen was going to fucking kill him.

* * *

_Meiku: Should I have listed what all they bought?_

_Szayel: Leave it a mystery to them._

_Grimm: What is Aizen going to do to me?_

_Meiku: -glares- you'll see._

_Szayel: Reviews to see Grimmjow's pain. –laughs-_

_Grimm: -whines-_


	15. A Dream Come True

_Meiku: Okay, I'm working on this after having dealt with my book all day. Uhm, I don't know if anyone has ever felt this before but… After wanting and working towards a dream for the better part of a decade… I'm kind of scared to death of actualizing this thing._

_Szayel: Also, her AOL hasn't been receiving reviews alerts and other such things, so if she's skipped over a person, forgive her._

_Ulqui: She does not own Bleach. But she could be entitled to a few characters if she can actually get the guts to see her book published._

_Meiku: … You're being mean again! And I apologize now, this one's uber short._

_**Reviewer Corner:**_

_**123HappyFrog- Oh I did have fun… Trust me… I like being evil to him…**_

_**idontseepenguins- ^.^ Tormenting Grimmy is a lot of fun! Here's his humiliation to amuse you!**_

_**deathnoteno1fan-codegeasslover- Gummy Shinigami… … … Hmmm… I do believe you just gave me an idea…**_

_**ARandomKitty- You should be scared for Grimm kitty. He's about to suffer… a lot… -sadistic grin-**_

_**-AvyBby-Renya-of-Sweetness- hee hee! Thank you! I believe Ulqui more fun when he's being cute.**_

**Chapter Eleven: A Dream Come True**

**Because sometimes, cross-dressing homicidal lunatics can be a lot of fun!**

Aizen blinked. Grimmjow stood fidgeting before him, looking deeply concerned. In fact, one might be not so far off as to say he was on the verge of tears…

"Repeat that, please," he said slowly; Grimmjow flinched and fidgeted more.

"Uh… w-well see… I… I may have… uhm… dislocated Ulquiorra."

Aizen stared. "By dislocated you mean…?"

"He lost him. Ha ha!" Gin laughed.

"You lost Ulquiorra." Aizen felt almost like glaring. Almost. He didn't glare after all.

Grimmjow muttered a soft "yes" and took to staring at his feet.

"You lost my Cuarta." Again, Grimmjow only muttered a "yes" and began tensing up.

Aizen applauded himself for staying so in control for how pissed off he felt. He wanted Ulquiorra to make a quick recovery—because dammit he liked having one truly loyal member on his whole fucking Espada. Besides, Ulquiorra did everything. Without any training to do everything. Aizen loved that!

"Gin, you think of a punishment."

Grimmjow's eyes went wide. Gin smiled sweetly.

"Make 'im wear a dress. A pink dress. A frilly pink dress… And cute pink bows in his hair. And make up. And a corset. Oh!" Gin grinned wildly, "And then go search through Hueco Mundo for Ulqui, in the dress and bows. And if he can't find him in Hueco Mundo, he should have to go to the Living World… In a gigai, while still wearing the dress and bows."

Grimmjow stared horrified as Aizen mulled this proposal over. Grimmjow in a dress… (did he just hear someone squeal?) It sounded humiliating… He'd do it.

"Alright."

"And take away his sword. And he's not allowed to hit anyone."

"Sounds good."

Grimmjow decided he'd just throw himself off a building.

Meiku had been stopped on the street, chatting with some pretty red-head with glasses. Ulquiorra pouted; he was bored, and he missed Awe. And he wanted to paint Orihime-chan's room. Looking around, Ulquiorra spotted a hardware store. … They sell paint at hardware stores!

Meiku was still chatting with the girl, about one thing or another, and was thoroughly distracted. Ulquiorra figured he could sneak over the hardware store, get the paint, and get back before she noticed. So he did sneak away.

Grimmjow wanted to cry. He really, really wanted to cry. But that would make his mascara run, and give Gin another reason to giggle and squeal and act like an overall idiot. Staring in the mirror, Grimmjow decided maybe trying to kill Gin would be a good idea. Once he got out of the damned dress.

Somehow, Gin had found a soft pink Lolita dress that fell just about mid-thigh, with bright pink ribbons and bows and white lace and frills all over. With the addition of the corset, Grimmjow got a few half-way womanly curves. Adding in the soft pink lipstick and bright pink eyeshadow (along with whatever else Halibel had sadistically put on his face) and the cute pink bows in his hair, Grimmjow passed for a pretty good looking drag queen.

He was so ashamed.

"You look good," Szayel giggled.

Grimmjow glared, "Leave me alone."

"Oh come now. You can't hit anyone, you can't use your sword, and wandering around like that without being able to fight back, you're chances of getting raped—."

Grimmjow flushed dark red, "Wh-wh-wh-wha-wha-what?!?!"

Szayel stared, looking him up and down, "You really think wearing a skirt that short isn't going to attract attention? I'm surprised Nnoitora hasn't tried to pounce on you yet."

Grimmjow fidgeted, trying to tug the skirt down. How did Gin manage to find a skirt so short anyway? All the arrancar girls had problems with short skirts—except Meiku, but she didn't wear pink, so she couldn't have been the provider.

"Anyway, you're supposed to search Hueco Mundo, and the Living World. We best get to it if we want to finish before creepers come out."

"You're gonna follow me?"

"Of course!" Szayel giggled, "How else could I get footage of your humiliation to use as blackmail for centuries to come?"

Grimmjow resisted the urge to whine and settled for glaring. Which was thrown off by the whole adorable loli get-up.

Ulquiorra was lost. He had seven bags of spray paint in total, and had been feeling pretty excited. But now, he couldn't find Meiku. And he didn't know how to get home. He wanted to see Awe and paint Orihime-chan's room, and share his Starbursts with Rin, and maybe put some color in Grimmjow's room…

He felt like crying, even though he knew he shouldn't cause it wasn't as bad as he was making it seem. Meiku would find him. She was good at stuff like that.

* * *

_Meiku: … GRIMMJOW IN A DRESS!!! -squeals and dances around like an idiot-_

_Grimm: … … … WHY?!_

_Meiku: Cause I do that to a lot of my favorite characters. Uchiha in a dress, Bonkotsu in a dress, Kurama in a dress, Vash in a dress… Otakon in a dress—_

_Maru: YOU LEAVE OTAKON ALONE!_

_Szayel: No one cares what you have to say, Maru._

_Meiku: … If anyone has any artistic ability, will you draw my Grimmjow in a dress? Cause no one knows how badly I wanna see it…_

_Ulqui: Review to help me find my way home. I don't like being stuck in the Living World. She'll make me cry again!_

_Szayel: He gets too into character with this…_


	16. Xmas Special

_Meiku: … Hee hee hee_

_Grimm: She's making us break for a Christmas Party._

_Szayel: That's okay._

_Grimm: NO ITS NOT! SHE'S MAKING ME WEAR A DRESS FOR THE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS!!_

_Meiku: That's chapters. Unless you wanna be a naughty Mrs. Clause…_

_Grimm: NO!!_

_Meiku: I didn't think so…_

**_Merry Christmas Reviewers!!_**

**_xXhitusgayaXx- GRIMMJOW IN A DRESS!!! XD It's exciting for me… Ulqui will find his way home… eventually… And I'm doing the Christmas Special half just for you, half because I was contemplating what to do about xmas for fics… So you're special! –glomps-_**

**_Anonymous Hearts- I pictured Gin trying to not die laughing in the background the whole time… ^.^_**

**_deathnoteno1fan-codegeasslover- … Grimmjow in a dress!! Hee hee! And you have given me an idea. A very funny idea… For as soon as Ulqui finds his way home._**

**_Summerrayah- Quick update this time! ^.^ Cute-Ulqui gets a lot of love… Thank you complimenting my writing, you help to inflate my depressingly tiny ego._**

**_ARandomKitty- Gin's sources were not speaking to me, and preferred if I did not disclose their names… But… GRIMMJOW IN A DRESS!! Hee hee!!_**

**_123happyfrog- I am evil… Truly the worst… hee hee hee!!_**

**_Idontseepenguins- You're gonna LOVE what I have planned for Grimmy's predicament… and Ulqui's… Mainly Grimmy's though. … -evil giggle- And if anyone ever made art inspired by this, I would see to it that they were acknowledged by the other readers… ^.^ But I do so wanna see Grimmjow in a dress… Hee hee!!_**

**_-AvyBby-Renya-of-Sweetness- So long as I've made a person laugh…_**

**_MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!_**

Awe purred as he watched Master and the others open gifts. Master had been given three boxes so far: gummy candies the Creators made, the Tear-Stained Goddess had given him a box of spray paints, and something Lord Grimmjow had given him that Awe could not quiet understand. What was the point of a photographic depiction of Master himself with the Creators and Lord Grimmjow and the King of Gods, Szayel-sama?

Furthermore, why did Lord Grimmjow look so depressed when Master only tilted his head? Was there something wrong with the confusion? If so, then Awe was guilty of the same cruelty.

"Ulqui-chan, do you wanna go to the Living World with us?" the Tear-Stained Goddess asked gently. "Szayel-sama is going to take us to a ski resort, since Aizen so graciously gave us all Christmas week off…" She giggled with the Wild Witch.

"What did you two do?" Grimmjow growled.

They both looked at him with innocent eyes, "No~o~othing." They giggled.

Awe didn't believe them.

"Anyway, if Ulqui-chan goes, you have to as well Grimm-sama. That'd be fun, don't you think? Getting to hang out and do nothing but flirt with hot ski instructors, steal some DNA, and seeing what kind of pain the human body can take at the hands of a mad scientist drunk off the wonderful air of skiing."

"And cheap wine," Meiku finished as Szayel glared at Rin's little rant.

"I'm not the drunk in the lab, now am I?"

Meiku giggled, "At least I can tell the difference between a breathing man and a gutted cadaver when I'm wasted."

"That was one time! And you said you'd never bring it up again!"

Awe snickered, understanding the underlying implication. Lord Grimmjow looked thoroughly disturbed. Master only tilted his head and blinked.

"A ski resort does sound nice though…" Grimmjow mused, letting his fingers run through Ulquiorra's hair.

Awe purred when Master giggled and leaned into the soft touch. He jumped to the next brightly wrapped box that held a gift for the Master. At least, he was pretty sure. He started tugging at the curly, colorful ribbons that held the box impossibly shut for his poor Master.

"Does Awe have a present?" Ulquiorra asked innocently.

"Yes, in fact, he does!" Meiku giggled, grabbing a small box and placing it next to Awe.

'That was not what I was trying to say, Master, but oh well. Thank you anyway.'

He padded across the box to name tag. Awe read his Master's name and pawed at it, still tugging the ribbons with his mouth. He wanted to see Master smile again.

"Awe, open your own presents," Ulquiorra whined.

'Silly boy, I want you to open yours… But okay, whatever you wish.'

He sighed and went over to the little box the Creator put down for him. He pulled it open and purred at the blue collar in it. Beautifully crafted with tiny green and black tear-stains decorated it; a gorgeous little silver name plate with 'Awe' scrawled in the King of Gods' beautiful handwriting.

Ulquiorra giggled; Awe purred loudly—he loved that sound. He worried that he would easily become obsolete when Master stopped smiling. He knew it would happen eventually, that was his purpose to relieve the stress that had created the 'insanity' of his Master.

But for the moment, the commercialized holiday featuring a fat man with a happy smile and red suit that brought everyone together for the night, Awe was content.

"So, what about the ski resort?"

* * *

_Meiku: Kind last minute but that's cause I scrapped what I had this morning. Cause it sucked. Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, or Crazy Kwanzaa. Whichever you celebrate. Or awesome commercialized, generic holiday used to sell everything they possibly can. That's what I celebrate. ^.^_

_Szayel: It sucks._

_Meiku: Shut up, I'm in a Christmasy mood… sorta…_

_Grimm: Whatever, just don't put me in the dress next chapter._

_Meiku: You have to stay in the dress. You may get to get out of the dress if you're good._

_Grimm: … I'm a Saint._

_Szayel: He insults your readers, and your writing every before and after chat._

_Meiku: … Yeah, Grimmy stays in the pretty little loli dress._

_Grimm: … I HATE YOU ALL!_

_Szayel: He's even beginning to act like a hormonal teenage female._


	17. Through the Eyes of a Lizard

_Meiku: I live._

_Grimm: You lived a week ago. You ignored your readers._

_Meiku: Oh I did not. I was having trouble. I've been having trouble. Issues, issues, issues._

_Szayel: Translates into malfunctions in hormone therapy equals a Meiku that's prone to tears and violence._

_Meiku: Shut up, Szayel-sama. Anyway, kind of a crappy way to re-enter this story but y'all will have to deal cause I can't come up with much better right now. I just wanted to make sure you all knew I was alive, working on the next chapter, and studying Marvel's X-Men comics for deathnoteno1fan-codegeasslover's present. Yes, I still remember that drabble you requested dear. I'm more of a DC girl than a Marvel though, so my comics are more numerous in Batman than X-Men._

_Grimm: … You really are a nerd._

_Meiku: Shut up, cross-dresser._

**Chapter Twelve: Through the Eyes of a Lizard**

**Because sometimes, you just need an outside perspective.**

Awe stretched, yawningly loudly in the silence of Lord Grimmjow's room. He blinked, glancing around lazily. He could smell Foxface and the King of Madness. Master's scent was several hours stale. That was fine; the Tear-Stained One had mentioned taking him shopping with her.

There was an unknown scent lingering in the air though. Something that smelled of terror…no not terror, resentment? Awe couldn't quiet put his claw on it. What was that scent? And why was is it clinging to Lord Grimmjow's walls?

Deciding he had nothing better to do while Master was out and about, he padded to the door and squeezed under the crack. Shaking himself of the green pigment in his skin, he blended into the tile and walls. It would be safer to travel that way; least the "Rape Face" see him and wish to crush him… because he was a sadistic bastard like that.

_Ah, let me see… The scent goes east? _Awe opened his mouth and breathed deeply. Yes, the scent indeed went east. He climbed up the wall, careful to stay perfectly blended, then shot straight across. He followed the scent all the way to the Knowledge Room (or as Wild Witch called it, the "library") before he had to search for it again.

After following the scent around most of the Palace, it lead him to the King of Madness and a blue-haired girl in a cute pink Lolita-style dress. The dress made him think of the Tear-Stained One. She always wore loli dresses.

However, upon closer inspection, Awe found that it was not a girl in the cute dress, but Master Grimmjow. Awe cocked his head to the side. Since when was Master Grimmjow interested in dressing like a woman? Of course, Awe had only known him a day or two, so he could not really judge. But still, something seemed so… Out of place about it. Perhaps punishment? But for what?

The two were going outside. Awe shuddered. Predators existed outside the walls that could easily eat him. He had an obligation to his Master to not be eaten. No amount of curiosity would make him go outside. Instead, he turned back. He would find out what the Wild Witch was up to. Surely she would be doing something interesting; his Creators never did anything dull.

"Awe-chan!" Wild Witch squealed, picking him up and nuzzling him. "How are you, my sweetest little reptile?"

_Oh, well enough. I do not think you can hear me._

"Awe, speak up. I'm only getting a faint murmur from you," Wild Witch said, brows knitting together in some kind of annoyance.

'_Well enough._'

"There you go."

Telepathy would come in handy if he could ever get his Master's mind frame set straight. He would be as helpful as he could be. He loved his Master, he wanted to be useful.

'_New pets, Wild Witch?_' he motioned towards the three tanks.

"Oh, well, yes of course. Can you keep a secret, Awe-chan?"

'_But of course, most wonderful Creator. You gave me that skill, did you not?_'

The girl smiled brightly. She turned to the tanks. "This one is a work in progress. I'm not sure what it is really, but it's interesting. I like it. This one here is a gift for Halibel-sama. Do you think she'll like it?"

'_Of course. She seems to love that kind of creature._'

Wild Witch grinned broadly and looked at the last tank. "That was another version of reptile we were going to give Ulquiorra. Seems I don't really need it anymore do I?"

Jealousy raged through Awe, but he kept a calm exterior. '_I can take care of my Master well enough. There is no need for any others._'

"I know…" She looked distant a moment, then sighed and put Awe on the metal table. She went to her knees, pressing her cheek against the table top. "Y'know, he's not going to be the sweet, innocent thing you know for long. At least, I hope not. He should go back to normal in a few weeks. Is it wrong for me to wish he weren't? He's always been rather cold to Meiku and me. I know he's not a bad guy, he's just… emotionally challenged." She sighed. "But that doesn't always make up for the fact he's such a prick."

Awe watched sadly, listened mournfully, as his Creator seemed to grow more and more upset. He loved his Creator; he didn't want to see her suffer. She was too intelligent, too brilliant, to waste her time moping over something that seemed hopeless. He fidgeted under the nervousness though. His Master was his rhyme and reason though. He would not display any sort of disrespect towards him out of respect for another. That was the way he had been created. The way the Wild Witch and Tear-Stained One had made him.

'_Perhaps… He will never go back to the complete same?_'

"Stick to comforting Ulquiorra," she mumbled, then laughed a little. "You aren't designed to help anyone else."

_Perhaps I will be able to fix whatever emotional problem Master has. I wish to. I wish to do whatever it takes to make my Master smile._

**_Bonus!! Science is Hard teaser:_ **

_Some of you may have already seen this, idontseepenguins, I know you have. But I just kind of want to make sure more people see it cause… Well cause I like Science is Hard and want more people to like it. The prologue is up on my account now. Check it out._

"Join me and my army—."

"No."

He blinked, tilting his head to the side. "Wh-what?"  
"No way. No way in Hell."

"We're in Hell, Mei-chan."

"I don't care. No way are we joining anyone's army. Especially someone who smells and dresses like a Shinigami."

"But you haven't even heard—."

"Yeah, I don't care. Leave us alone."

"I can offer you power you can't even begin to imagine."

"Who needs power when we can flee?"

"I can offer you riches."

"Riches mean what here? Neither of us are so materialistic as to think for even a second that any gold or jewels you give us will be worth a damn in this desolate desert."

He was silent for a moment. He needed people dammit, and after seeing what the two had done to that hoard of hollows far above their rank… He wanted them! "I could—."

He was interrupted by one of his newest arrancar, Szayel. "M'lord. Uhm, that experiment I was running…"

"What about it?"

"It got loose and is terrorizing the palace."

"Experiment?" The two hollows squealed in delight, "WE'LL JOIN!"

* * *

_Meiku: Eh. I know, I know. I should have gotten on with Grimmjow in a dress and Ulqui being lost but… I'm sorry guys. Really am._

_Ulqui: She's working on it._

_Grimm: Reviews boost her ego which in turn boosts her desire to write. Just saying._

_Szayel: And go check out Science is Hard. If you enjoy this story, you'll wind up enjoying it. Because it's basically expanding on crazy experiments and the way said experiments effect the Espada._

_Meiku: Oh Nnoitora… You will suffer a great deal before I'm done… A great deal._


	18. An Appropriate Chapter

_Meiku: Ah, back… ish… bleh_

_Szayel: Naka wiped her out._

_Grimm: One day and she's still tired._

_Meiku: Hey! Puppy's was pretty freaking draining as well. Pokemon abridging scripts will need to be written soon._

_Grimm: … You're seriously going to do that._

_Meiku: Hell yeah I am!! Rin-chan's the one who started it!!_

_Szayel: Okay then… Anyway, she doesn't own Bleach yadda yadda. You know the drill._

_Meiku: AND!! I don't know if anyone saw, but Chapter Tweleve replaced my note. It's not very interesting, but... Hey, Awe-Vision. ^.^ And a teaser bit for Science is Hard, the spin off of this story... That I hope people will go to... And like... Cause it will be good once I get more written..._

**Chapter Thirteen: An Appropriate Chapter**

**Honestly, I never thought I'd be so cliché as to use the whole "unlucky thirteen" gag, but here I am, using the "unlucky thirteen" gag.**

Grimmjow tugged the skirt down further. What had possessed Gin to do this? Why on Earth would that creep really go this far?! Grimmjow wanted to whine and hide. Of course, having already left the palace, that did not seem like a possibility.

"Well, where do we look first?" Szayel sounded far too chipper for Grimmjow's liking.

"I don't know. Why the fuck would I know?"

"You are his guardian for the time being… I would hope you knew where your charge would be, y'know."

"I've been watching him for like, a day! And half the time, he's gone missing!"

Szayel sighed, "C'mon then, we'll just wander until we find him."

Grimmjow whined and tugged his skirt. Why couldn't someone just kill him?

Halibel sat on the counter, listening to the pots bubble with another of her little concoctions. She was bored and tired and sick of cooking. Cooking sucked. How the hell did Ulquiorra put up with it?

Then again, he had enjoyed cooking from the start. It was everything else that seemed to make him loony. She glanced over her papers. It was tedious work really. Sign here, document this, time check that… No wonder the Cuatra was out of his mind. Halibel wouldn't last a day doing this for every single member of the Espada, plus cooking and cleaning.

Ulquiorra huffed, giving up on the whole "I'll wait here" plan. Meiku didn't seem to be coming back (granted he had only waited three minutes—details, who needs 'em?). Instead of waiting by the hardware store, he decided to go looking for her. He could remember three of the things she needed to do before they left. She needed to get this month's issue of Shonen Jump, buy more fabric, leather, and lace for whatever it was she was making for Orihime-chan, and then buy something Rin had asked for. He couldn't seem to remember what Rin had wanted, but he was sure if he didn't find Meiku at the book store or fabric shop, he would be able to remember by then.

Grimmjow felt his cheeks heat up. Why did they have to STARE like that? Honestly, wasn't it humiliating enough for them to look at him, but STARE?! Wasn't that considered rude?

"So if you do see anyone fitting that description, would you please contact us?"

"Sure," the hollow's masked grin was unnerving.

"Thank you so much. We look forward to ki—seeing you soon!" Szayel smiled falsely and dragged Grimmjow away.

"Would you quit acting like a school girl and help me? I thought you were supposed to be the one to find the crazy. Why am I doing all the work?"

"I'm sorry, which one of us is wearing a skirt that shows far more leg than ever needed to be revealed?"

Szayel smirked, running his hand up Grimmjow's thigh—making the Sexta squeak and ball his fist.

"Ah ah! No hitting remember?"

Grimmjow lowered his fist and whined. He was going to kill someone. "I hate you."

"Aw, but Grimmjow, I love you…" Yeah, definitely going to kill someone.

* * *

_Meiku: Short short but I'm not too inspired and I need to be working on something else anyway._

_Szayel: Like Science is Hard._

_Grimm: Or Turning from Humanity._

_Temari: Or Petals of a Rose._

_Kabuto: Or Invading the Sound, and Sound Fairytales._

_Rin: OR THE DAMN EROS/PSYCHE STORY! Or Artist-kun's continuation story!_

_Ameya: Or the yaoi stories._

_Meiku: … … … I need to stick to ONE story at a time…_

_Ulqui: She likes comments. Comments make her work. Hence, comments produce new chapters._


	19. More Drabbles from Procrastination Land

_Szayel: … Hmmm …_

_Ulqui: … She's still not looking at Vacation with Pay?_

_Szayel: Nope._

_Grimm: Stupid Rin with her stupid persistence… Meiku, focus on US again!!_

_Meiku: uwah? AH! . READERS MUST BE ANGRY WITH ME!!_

**_RoseJustice: Thank you, very much. ^.^ Wouldn't Grimmy just look fantastic in a loli dress? Thanks for the reviews!_**

**_Idontseepenguins: I wonder… ^.^ Thanks for the review! I'll try to have the next chapter up soon._**

**_Demonic-Kat: ^.^ Hee hee, I've been rather lazy lately it seems. I apologize for the long update. Thanks for the review!_**

**_-AvyBby-Renya-of-Sweetness-: X3 Isn't it fun! Thanks so much for your review!_**

**_Toshiros-Snow-Demon: Kyaaaa ^///^ You make me blush! Really, it's you the readers who are amazing. I'm just an attention-whore with odd ideas. Thanks for your review! (and please, just call me Meiku!)_**

**More Drabbles from Procrastination Land!**

**Fork:**

Halibel didn't even bat an eyelash—forks were supposed to melt weren't they? Especially in spicy food, right? And spicy food was always good food. Why couldn't the idiots sitting around the table crying like pansies realize that?

**Panda:**

"He looks like a panda."

"Bullshit, he looks like a creeper."

"No way, he's an adorable panda!"

"He looks like an annoying emo-kid."

Grimmjow lifted a brow, "What are you two talking about?"

"Ulquiorra," the siblings answered in union before starting up their argument all over again.

**Belt:**

Meiku wrapped the second leather belt around her waist. Ulquiorra tilted his head, "Why do you wear your belts crossed like that in the Living World?"

"Hmmm," she hummed distantly, "x marks the spot, y'know?"

Ulquiorra huffed—he would never understand her.

**Birthday Cake:**

Birthdays weren't often celebrated—so when Ulquiorra insisted on celebrating Awe's… Well the little lizard couldn't help but feel a warmth in him unlike any other. When he found out Rin made the cake… Well at least there was nothing still screaming when they cut it open.

**Gold:**

Materialistic things like jewels and gold had little to no value in Hueco Mundo. Aside from a good distraction for the more simple minded creatures, it held no purpose. But it was still nice to brag that he had something of value clasped around his neck—though it may have been more so due to his Master's signature on it.

**Tuxedo:**

For Aizen's birthday, they threw a party with a dress code. Grimmjow grumbled the whole time Meiku adjusted his tux and glared when she straightened his stupid looking bowtie. It took her three hours to deem him "fit to be seen."

"I never realized how… good you can look," Szayel remarked at the formal occasion, "y'know, when you're not wearing a dress."

Szayel had a broken nose but a good laugh.

**Red Wine:**

"Y'know," Meiku said suddenly, swirling her wine in her glass and watching Rin make origami cranes out of Starburst wrappers, "I think we should drive Ulqui-chan crazy again."

"I think it'd be easier to get him drunk,"

"Well now you're talking," Meiku laughed and poured another glass.

Mushrooms:

"Uhm, Halibel-san…" Meiku peered over her shoulder uneasily, "I don't think you can eat those mushrooms…"  
"Well, oh well."

The rest of the night had been rather entertaining—unfortunately, Rin forgot to hit the record button on the camera.

**Diary:**

"Grimmy, I never realized how… sensitive you are."

"Grimmjow-san, I'm so sorry I bumped into you the other day, I didn't mean to."

"Ah, Grimmjow… If you need some time off for yourself, your welcome to take a week or so… I'll understand completely—after all, I know what it's like to be dumped by someone you're that in love with... And after so long..."

"Y'know, it's okay if you want to wear dresses, Grimm-kun."

Grimmjow learned the hard way that lizards could hack computer systems and post things online; he also learned how horribly vindictive they could be.

**Green:**

"Blue!"

"Green!"

"Blue!"

"Green!"

"Blue!"

"Green!"

"RED!"

Both Meiku and Ulquiorra turned, glaring at Rin who smiled innocently. They walked away, leaving her alone with Awe.

"_For what it's worth, Wild Witch, I like red._"

**Poker Chips:**

Nnoitora was losing badly in the weekly poker game. Ulquiorra was cheating—but no one had the heart to tell him to stop or leave. He was so cute. Grimmjow smiled warmly as he pushed the chips in the middle of the table towards him.

"I still think this would be more fun if we got Halibel in here and played strip poker."

"With your luck tonight," Stark muttered, "I'm glad we have the chips."

**Lipstick:**

"Why do you wear that when you go to the Living World?"

Meiku lifted a brow, rubbing her lips together to smear the lipstick on. "It makes me pretty."  
"Mei-chan's already pretty," Ulquiorra stated simply.

Meiku squealed and threw her arms around him—the boy was just too cute.

**Chains:**

Grimmjow was fascinated by Meiku's release form; the chains that covered her body were seductive in their terror—he already knew what they were there for. To hold her enemy in place while her body converted his blood into a poison fit specifically for that body. It was amazing and terrifying. The chains would never cease to amaze him.

**Seven (Science is Hard Teaser):**

Seven. There were SEVEN! Why the hell were there SEVEN?!

Aizen let out a slow breath. "Okay, Rin-chan, explain one more time… Where did you get the DNA produce seven Kurosaki Ichigos?"

Rin giggled, "Uhm…"

"More importantly," Gin said, "why would you make seven Ichigos?"

"Uhm… Grimmy-kun needs practice?"

**Clock:**

There had to be some form of symbolism in the way the clocks had stopped working once Ulquiorra had lost his mind. And it was strange—Aizen never saw to it that they were reset, but once Ulquiorra was in his right mindset… before going on duty, the clocks started themselves up again.

**Pies (Science is Hard teaser!!):**

"Look Mama! Pie!"

Ulquiorra stared at the … pastry… for a long moment before forcing a smile and patting the creature on the head, "Th-thank you… Chibi… It looks… great…"

"Try it Mama!"

The thing was so loud. Ulquiorra just wanted it to leave him alone. But Meiku threatened to get rid of the Shinigummis and he damn well would have his candy! So he patted the thing on the head again and forced another smile, "I'll try it in a bit, okay? I have … stuff… I need to do now."

As soon as Ulquiorra was gone, Awe glared and hissed, "If anything happens to Master because of your stupidity, I'll tear your intestines out and strangle you with them!"

Chibi just smiled and waved as Awe followed after Mama.

**Bubbles:**

Grimmjow couldn't help but laugh at the way Ulquiorra chased the bubbles around—trying to pop each one of them. It was too cute, too childish, too unlike Ulquiorra. He almost wanted the Cuatra to remain this way. But that was selfish, and a dream that would be popped as easily as the soap bubbles bursting at Ulquiorra's touch.

**Comb:**

It had become a daily thing… Ulquiorra would comb her hair, then fall asleep in her room (generally with his head in her lap), then when he woke up, he'd giggle and leave. Orihime enjoyed it—almost wishing it'd never change. But she knew it would—so until then, she'd enjoy when he'd pop into her room to comb her hair.

**Pistachio Ice Cream:**

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO NEAPOLITIN ICE CREAM?!"

"Why can't you just eat the Pistachio?"

There was a crash, a loud bang, and a wall collapsed under a green cero. "I WANT NEAPOLITIN!"

Rin lifted a brow, "Stop brainwashing the Cuatra, Meiku."  
"But it's just so easy!"

**Cardboard Box:**

It's true, you know, what they say. The box really is more fun than the actual present. This was made very clear to Aizen and Gin when Grimmjow helped Ulquiorra turn the simple cardboard box into an amazing fortress of adventure and good times. They also learned to never remove the box until it no longer holds the attention of the one using it—as the one using it was prone to crying fits that could melt one's brain.

**Scissors:**

Orihime knew Grimmjow would have made a good mother if he had ever gotten the chance. Watching him fret and worry over Ulqiuorra… It was cute. But what really was the end all evidence to the Sexta's maternal instinct was the short dialogue she had overheard.

"Don't run with scissors!"  
"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I said so! Give me the scissors, right now young man!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Ulquiorra Cifer!"

"No!"

"I'm gonna count to three, and if I don't have those scissors in my hand when I get there, you're grounded!"

"Nu-uh!"

"… One!"

Orihime wished she had a camera to capture such a perfectly cliché moment.

**Blood and Guts:**

Even with his child mindset, Ulquiorra didn't seem to be bothered by blood and guts. In fact, he seemed to not care about most things if they weren't related to candy and pranks. It was refreshing and troubling at the same time; Aizen decided he could deal with it—just as long as the pranks stopped involving his walls and bright colors.

**Thanksgiving Dinner:**

By the time Thanksgiving had rolled around for the Espada, Ulquiorra was back in the kitchen. Only now, Halibel actually wanted to help.

"C'mon, you need a little spice to your food. What if I just added—."

"No! I don't recall what you cooked them, but Barragan—of all people!—kissed me when I started cooking again, therefore I can only guess whatever you served them was so thoroughly disturbing that you should never be allowed in a kitchen again."

Halibel pouted, but managed to "spice up" the turkey anyway—no one was pleased with this.

**French:**

"Tu es tres mignon," Grimmjow murmured quietly, watching Ulquiorra nap on his couch. He let his fingers graze lightly across the Cuatra's cheek, smiling when the boy's lips twitched into a smile. "Tu es tres, tres mignon, mon petit copain."

"Oui, il est adorable," Rin giggled. "C'est un beau garcon. Et tu, Grimmjow, tu es mignon aussi."

Grimmjow jerked, "Since when the hell do you know French?! AND HOW DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?!"

**Tribal Dance (Science is Hard teaser):**

Sometimes… Rin and Meiku scared him. Just a little, but they still scared him. Like now, after having scared Nnoitora off by severing his hand, they doused it in chemicals and made a huge fire that changed colors. And as the fire raged and colored the room with pretty purple smoke, the two danced and sang like lunatics around it. Perhaps they were over-worked, or perhaps they'd always been this crazy, but Szayel made a promise to himself… He would never, ever, do anything to get on either of their bad sides… Because when you got on one of their hit lists you were immediately bumped to the top of the other's.

* * *

_Meiku: ^.^" I'm working on something for Rin, but I felt like I was ignoring you… which made me sad T^T so I made her give me some words to do drabbles with. Hope you enjoyed them. ^.^_

_Rin: I'm sure they did… GET BACK TO WORK!!_

_Meiku: -whines- yes, yes…_

_Szayel: Next chapter will be up once she finishes this._

_Rin: Points to anyone who can guess what Grimmy and I are saying in French (though it's really not that hard…)._


	20. Breaking the Fourth Wall

_Meiku: I rise from the dead._

_Ulqui: You rise from Procrastination Land._

_Meiku: I DON'T PRO—fuck it, yes I do. But not on this. I was actually working. Rin can back me up here._

_Rin: She was. Eros & Psyche story… AWESOME!!_

_Meiku: Anyway, new chappy, exciting ne?_

_Szayel: She doesn't own Bleach, and all that jazz._

_Meiku: DAMMIT YOU GUYS ALMOST LET ME FORGET AGAIN!! Rin-chan drew a pic for you guys: http:// ravenrandom .deviantart .com . /art/Rin-and-Meiku-150217749 (minus spaces of course)_

**_Reviewer Corner:_**

**_BLEACHISAWESOMEANDIAMAWESOME: ^.^ Points to you!_**

**_Demonic-Kat: ^.^ Thank for reviewing!_**

**_Idontseepenguins: ^.^ Yeah it's a bad idea… We're protective of each other…_**

**_Xflightlesxbird: You can stop the eager eyes, for next chapter has arrived. ^.^ Thanks for reviewing!_**

**_Kill_the_living_cookie010: Je ne parle pas francais tre bien. ^.^" and Points!!_**

**_Toshiros-Snow-Dragon: Thank you!_**

**Chapter Fourteen: Breaks in the Fourth Wall**

**Because sometimes, even the characters have something to say about what's going on outside of the story.**

Ulquiorra wandered into a bookshop not far from where he and Meiku had been. The clerk glanced up at him, lifting an eyebrow. Ulquiorra blinked owlishly, smiling sweetly.  
"Have you seen a girl with blue hair, about shoulder length, with blue lines half way down her face in here? She had two belts in an X across her butt…"

"Sorry kid, can't say I have."

He huffed, dropping into a pout and looking around. "Are there any other bookstore around here?"

"There's one two blocks up. Hope you find your girl," the clerk smiled.

Ulquiorra smiled back. People were so nice today.

Grimmjow huffed, tugging the skirt down. "I don't think he's here."  
"Well then, buddy, I guess we have to get some gigais and go to the Living World."

Grimmjow groaned; why the fuck did Gin do this to him? Why?! He didn't want to go to the Living World in a fucking Lolita dress! A stupid pink Lolita dress at that! He still wanted to know where the hell Gin had gotten the dress. All of Meiku's were white and blue and black. So where the hell could he have gotten this thing?

Rin giggled sweetly as she prepared the gigais. She was excited, having finally finished what Gin had asked for. Just in time too. She hoped it wouldn't fall apart while it was supposed to be doing its job.

"Oh, and dear readers," she said to the cold air in her freshly sterilized lab, "do be sure to review when you're done reading. The Author needs a boost from VwP fans to get back into the story. If not for the Artist nagging her from time to time and coming up with insane inside jokes to throw into the plot, the Author would never post chapters."

"Rin, who are you talking to?" Szayel asked, leaning in the door frame and staring at his fraccion.

"Everyone, cause it's nice to hear from a reader," Rin smiled widely. "Anyway, your gigais are ready!"

"Excellent!"

Gin smiled, watching the monitors reveal Grimmjow in his gigai… in the pink loli dress Meiku had sewn up for him. He loved that girl… And Rin, for her crazy critters. Yes, this would be a great day for him. Lots of entertainment to be had everywhere. How exciting.

Ulquiorra sat down on the curb. Still three bookstores and two fabric stores later, he could not find Meiku. He was tired now. And hungry. And lost. And he wanted to go home and see Grimmjow and Awe. Ulquiorra rubbed his eyes. He kind of wanted to cry. But he wouldn't, because that would look strange. He was… how old was he again? He couldn't remember. But he was well beyond the point where crying in public would make him look strange. People would stop acting nice if he acted strange.

But he really did want to go home. He wished he knew how.

"C'mon, Grimmjow. We can't do any looking if you're hiding in a closet all day."

"No way in HELL I'm walking around like this in broad daylight."

"Grimmjow…"

"No!"

"What about Ulquiorra, huh? Think about it. He's lost, and alone… What if that shinigami comes across him?"

"He'll cry and it'll be fine."

"What if he's in a gigai? Crying won't do the same thing."

Grimmjow cursed. Szayel was right. Ulquiorra could be in danger—and a lot of it—if he did come across Kurosaki. With the child-mind he head, he wouldn't realize it if the bastard attacked him. Then what would happen? The Cuatra would be killed… Shit, god damn stupid Ulquiorra running off like an idiot! That fear he had earlier was renewing itself. What if the brat was already dead?

"Grimmjow…"  
"Alright, alright!"

He took a deep breath and stepped out of the small room the portal had put them in.

"Nice to see you come out of the closet, Grimmy."

"When I find Ulquiorra, I'm breaking your jaw."

* * *

_Meiku: … You guys love me. You do._

_Rin: Trust me… Next chapter… you do._

_Meiku: And I love you guys._

_Grimm: I HATE YOU!_

_Meiku: Yeah yeah yeah I know._

_Ulqui: Review? Or Grimmjow will never find me, and I'll never get home._


	21. The Deal and not the end

Huh… Regardless of how I try, I can't make myself do some witty ending chapter to tie everything together. And I can bring myself to end the account like I planned.

I thank those of you who contacted me. I'm sorry I can't bring myself to write. My policy has always been, and will always be, "write for the reader" and it's always up to you guys. And the comment that really got to me was Narukashi666's (which was pure luck that I saw, dear). As I just stated, I write for the reader, and to be put in the same boat as those who disregard what their readers would like…well it kind of hurts deep in my soul. I read and reread and reread and felt like someone had punched me in the gut with all the force they had. Thanks for yelling at me, honey, because I don't ever want to be that author that just gets bored and leaves. It's not right to do that to readers.

**Here's my deal for you all**: I will post a Halloween and Christmas special for Vacation with Pay. I will post a new chapter in January of 2011. In February of 2011, I will start remaking Vacation with Pay—my whole account for that matter. Until then, if you want to contact me and nag and remind me of my promise or suggest new ideas, drop a PM (as I'm checking my AOL again) here, or for the quickest route to me send a message to my Gaia EpicFailMeiku or current DeviantArt account Modern-Maenad. I'm also contemplating a monthly drabble set, but that is wholly and completely up to you. I will **_ONLY_** write the drabble sets if I have words from readers rather than bugging them out of my friends.

So there it is. I guess I'll see you again...this month if you have me do drabbles…and if not then Halloween. Until then~~


	22. Halloween Special

Meiku: Meant to have this up yesterday…

Grimm: Way to wait until the last second.

Meiku: Shut up and disclaim.

Grimm: She only wishes she owned Bleach.

Meiku: Then I'd have money…

**Trick or Treat**

**I will, one day, teach my children the art of trick-or-treating. Rule 1: Egg 'em if they give bad candy.**

"Why are we doing this again?"

Szayel glanced at Halibel and snickered. She wore a witch costume, complete with short skirt and floppy hat. Halloween was awesome.

"Ulquiorra cried."

"Right…"

"You look good by the way."

"Say that again and I'll gut you like a fish. Which I've gotten really good at these past couple weeks, so be warned."

"I'll take your word for it."

There was a knock and loud "TRICK OR TREAT!" as the door opened. Szayel lifted a brow at his blue-haired assistant.

"I come bearing the treat," she giggled, holding a bowl of candy up for them to see. "Ulqui-chan will absolutely love these… So will Aizen-sama because this way he can bite his enemies' heads off and they can't do anything about it! HAHA!"

"Huh?"

"SHINIGUMMIS! The greatest creation to come out of that kitchen!"

Aizen lifted a brow at the candy-bowl. "What are these?"

"Mei-chan made them. They're called shinigummis," Gin giggled.

Lifting one and holding it to the light, Aizen gaped. "It's shaped like Kuchiki."

"Tastes like green tea. The Kenpachi one is blood flavored. The Toshiro one tastes like fear."

"What does fear taste like?"

"Like tears and urine. It's oddly satisfying."

Grimmjow groaned. He really wouldn't have minded so much if he didn't have to dress up. Even then, had he been allowed to be a hobo like he wanted, it would have been fine.

But no. No, of course not. Being a hobo was not an option. He had to match Ulquiorra's outfit… Otherwise he'd cry. Again. And for some reason, matching Ulquiorra meant sticking him in a dress… Again.

When the Cuatro was sane again, Grimmjow would break his fucking neck.

"Trick or treat!"

Szayel glanced through the open door and Meiku squealed and gushed over Ulquiorra's costume. He had chosen to go as a knight (something smelled like irony) and Awe was a "fierce" dragon padding ahead of him. Grimmjow's lovely outfit made Szayel want to laugh. He kept a composed face long enough to get out a snide "Looking good, Sexta," before Ulquiorra, pleased with the amount of candy he'd received, was darting off to the next door.

"We should do this every year," Meiku giggled, flopping down on the couch and hitting play on the DVD. "But next year, we should definitely have a party."

"So you can get wasted or so you can show off your costume?"

"Why can't it be both?"

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

* * *

**

Meiku: This is pretty slap-dash. I had a lot of things on my plate.

Grimm: At least it's something.

Meiku: I would like to remind everyone that, unless you make me do a drabble bit for November, I won't be returning until Christmas with an X-mas special. Chapters will resume in January.


	23. Xmas Special II

_Meiku: Ah, Christmas time. It's so much fun._

_Grimm: … Why do I feel like I'm going to dislike this special._

_Meiku: Cause I like putting you in dresses. And I'm only just now getting back into the swing of fanfiction. –evil smirk-_

_Ulqui: So am I ever getting home?_

_Meiku: Next chapter. Maybe. I don't know. I'll see about trying._

_Ulqui: You're horrible._

_Meiku: Whatever. Don't own, blah, blah, blah, no money, blah, blah, blah. MERRY CHRISTMAS!_

_**Generic statement to all reviewers because, as much as I love you guys, I'm not going to right now to check your comments and my AOL is being a bitch again. So, much love, much thanks, and Jan. 15th when I post the new chap, I'll reply to everyone for Halloween and Christmas reviews.**_

**Xmas Special II**

**Cause Christmas is a time of giving**

Ulquiorra spent a good hour trying to chase Chibi out of his kitchen before he could start making the Christmas dinner. With chores reduced to cooking and laundry (as he seemed the only one competent to do such tasks) he was free to spend the day preparing the feast. And besides, this was an easy way to skip out of the presents exchange. The Espada enjoyed simple meals (aside from Grimmjow, but Ulquiorra was sure the bastard was only making him prepare such outrageous things to be an ass), they desired objects difficult to acquire. Dinner was much easier to get.

"Y'know," Meiku muttered, snagging a sugar cookie from the tray, "Christmas was more fun last year when you were crazy."

"I'm so sorry my being sane is less entertaining," Ulquiorra murmured sarcastically.

"I do like you now that you aren't a walking corpse though."

"So glad you approve. Why are you in here again?"

"Cookies are in here."

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes, "Of course. Those are for the party, scat."

"Grimm-sama gets scatted. I fly up until you look away and land back where I was. But I'm lazy so I'm just gonna caw at you."

"I oh so enjoy your company medic, but would much prefer if you were to leave now."

"But the cookies are in here. Besides, if I go caw at Chibi, he cries and runs away."

He weighed the pros and cons for a moment, then decided keeping the damn chimera out of the kitchen was the best course of action. Meiku smirked, grabbing the bowl of frosting and adding too much to her cookie.

**xXxXx**

"So there is a present exchange, right?" Rin asked, leaning over the back of the couch.

Grimmjow grunted an affirmative and sighed. "Why? You're not invited."

"Says who?"

"Aizen. Espada only."

"But Meiku's going," Rin whined. "I wanna go too."

"Meiku's not going."

"Yeah she is. She already got the presents and everything. I was gonna make you another kitty, but Taku said he'd eat me if I did. And I don't think he meant in the fun way."

Grimmjow twitched at the mental image, then glared at the white ball of fluff currently stuck to the side of his jacket. It purred.

"Killing it would be a good present."

Rin gasped, "But he's my baby! I made him with my own two hands and a lot of your blood."

"What?"

"What?"

Grimmjow eyed her a moment, then turned back to the TV. "You disturb me."

"Then I've done my job. So other than a kitty, what do you want for Christmas?"

"To never see your face again."

"Spoil sport," Rin pouted, crossing her arms over her chest, "see if I get you anything then."

**xXxXx**

Dinner had gone smoothly up until Meiku and Rin crashed the little celebration. Not that they were really unexpected. Meiku had made it very clear she was not going to be left out of the fun. Meiku helped Ulquiorra serve dessert before settling herself with Rin on the table by Szayel.

"Time for presents!" Meiku shouted as she settled herself. Before anyone could protest, she whistled and Awe (almost the size of Yami now) slipped through the door carrying a large blue velvet sack in his mouth. "Yay presents!"

As if on cue, Christmas music started playing from announcement system. Meiku and Rin sang along, off key and missing words. Ulquiorra rubbed his eyes to stave off the headache. Aizen laughed. Grimmjow cocked his head to the side and wondered if anyone else had noticed that the "Christmas carols" were the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society versions.

Meiku began digging through her bag, pulling one box wrapped in shiny blue paper out and handing it to Aizen, "Here, you'll enjoy this. Open it later. With Gin."

Gin lifted a brow, grinning widely. Aizen tilted his head but let it be. She continued digging through the bag, tossing presents to whoever they went to. Most she warned to open in the privacy of their own rooms.

Rin laughed as Meiku tossed one to Halible. "Everyone can enjoy that present."

Halibel lifted a brow as she tore the blue away. She glared at the contents of the box. Stark, sitting next to her, laughed. "Show everyone. You have to."

She raised the book, Cooking for Dummies, and glared at Meiku. Only Ulquiorra, who couldn't quite remember everything from the time of his madness, did not laugh.

"Gee, medic, see if I ever save your ass."

"You need help cooking honey, we all know it."

Rin pulled out another box, read the name, and squealed loudly. "Oh, oh! Sexta-san, you have to open yours!"

Grimmjow hesitantly took the box, a little concerned by how excited both girls had suddenly gotten. Taku growled lowly from his place on Grimmjow's lap.

"If you got Lord Grimmjow something stupid, I'll rip your fucking faces off."

"Silence your foul tongue, wretch," Awe hissed.

"Hey fuck you, lizard."

Meiku huffed, "Both of you shut up. Grimm-sama, open your present."

Grimmjow tore the paper from the white box. He paused as the girls giggled madly before opening the box. He glared darkly at the powder blue, frilly thing folded innocently in the box.

"I'm going to set both of you on fire." He growled, turning his glare towards them. "And then I'm going to hack you into little pieces and feed you to the deranged creatures running about your labs."

They both squealed, falling off the table and clinging to Szayel as they laughed. Szayel and Gin were snickering as well. Ulquiorra cocked his head to the right, a puzzled look crossing his face.

"I'm serious. I'm going to kill both of you."

Meiku calmed for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. "But Gin and Szayel-sama were the ones who came up with the pattern. I was going to make it longer and less lacy, but they insisted."

"You made the Sexta a dress?" Ulquiorra asked.

"He looks so good in dresses," Szayel laughed and Gin fell out of his chair. "Though I think pink would have been a better color for him."

"Horrible, bloody demise."

"You keep saying that, Grimm-sama." Meiku giggled, pulling another package from the bag. Unlike the rest, this one was much larger and wrapped in green paper. "OH! Ulqui-sama! This is yours! You'll love it!"

Awe purred loudly at the adorably confused face his master made. As Ulquiorra tore the paper away, he couldn't help but remember how sweet the boy had been last year. He almost wished his master was so innocent and sweet again. The box opened and Ulquiorra lifted a can of green spray paint out, looking all too puzzled.

"What—?"

"Not again," Aizen groaned. "Ulquiorra, please don't paint my walls."

"Huh?"

Meiku squealed, running to throw her arms around him. "YOU'RE SO CUTE!"

"Why—?"

"But that's just a joke gift. Your real gift is at the bottom."

Ulquiorra between Meiku, Rin, and Aizen for a long moment before deciding it wasn't worth the brain-power to try to figure it out. He pulled out a green bag with a decorative blue ribbon tying it shut. He opened the bag and struggled to keep down the grin.

"Shinigummies?" He mentally cursed his new-found inability to keep his emotions in check as he heard the giddiness in his voice.

"You liked them so well at Halloween," Meiku giggled. "And one more thing."

He lifted out the last item in the box. A plush looking just like Awe did when he was at the cat-size Ulquiorra could remember as the smallest he'd been. Apparently he'd been smaller, but he couldn't remember that. Oh well.

"Cute."

**xXxXx**

Grimmjow huffed, landing on his bed. He slipped his hand under his pillow and pulled out the picture Meiku had gotten him last year. Good days. Maybe frantic and worrisome, but they were definitely good days. He growled at the knock on his door, shoving the picture back under the pillow.

"What?" he snapped.

The door cracked open and Ulquiorra slipped in, carrying the Awe plushie. Without saying a word, he crawled in the bed with Grimmjow and nuzzled against his side. There were a few moments of silence as Grimmjow smiled, before he adjusted them to get an arm around the Cuatra.

"Merry Christmas."

* * *

_Meiku: Awwww, how sweet was that._

_Grimm: … WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A DRESS?_

_Szayel: You looked so good in the pink one, she thought you should have a blue one._

_Meiku: I love you?_

_Grimm: I hate you with a passion._

_Meiku: MERRY CHRISTMAS (or whatever you celebrate! It's generic commercial holiday to me!). And a reminder, I will be posting the new chapter on January 15th 2011. As a side note, I'm on Gaia everyday and would love to hear any suggestions you may have for upcoming chapters (as most of it is on a whim) or the reboot in Feb/March. Plus, I bore easy and like socializing with people. ^.^_


	24. Xmas Drabbles

_Meiku: I'm in a Christmassy mood. ^.^ So I'll upload this cause I got bored and I'm feeling far too happy._

_Grimm: But you can't work on the reboot stuff?_

_Szayel: She has been, the prologue of both Down the Rabbit Hole and Vacation with Pay are finished._

_Ulqui: What about the new chapter for Vacation with Pay?_

_Meiku: I've got until January to get it done. I'm not in a chapter mood, I'm in a drabble mood. So shut up and do the disclaimer._

_Ulqui: She doesn't own Bleach. We can clearly see why._

_**Reviewer Corner! (I'm only barely paying attention to reviews right now, mostly cause I'm trying to work on reboot stuff. If I didn't answer now though, I'd forget next chap ^.^" I'll reply better when the reboot comes around, till then, sorry if I seem distant.)**_

_**Halloween Reviews—**_

_**broken-knuckles: Thank you! With all the support there's no way I'm giving up now. ^.^ See you at the reboot!**_

_**Mary Lou: This is definitely not ending. See you then!**_

_**-AvyBby-Renya-of-Sweetness: I'm happy to be back! ^.^ Fear flavored anything would be awesome, especially in the shape of Toshiro. –evil giggle- See you at the reboot!**_

_**Narukashi666: Grimmy in a dress and fear flavored gummies shaped like Toshiro… It makes me happy. Sorry I didn't do anything for November, consider this making up for that. And, again, thanks for yelling at me. See you at the reboot!**_

_**Xmas Reviews—**_

_**.GrImMjOw: Thank you! And of course I'll keep writing. See you at the reboot!**_

_**Anonymous Quincy: Thank you! Happy holidays and see you at the reboot!

* * *

**_

**Elf:**

Grimmjow glared at the outfit. Had Aizen lost his mind? He shook his head. Of course he'd lost his mind. With Meiku, Rin, and mostly Gin (not so) subtly manipulating him at every turn, how could he possibly still be sane? But really? Making him dress up like an elf? What could possibly be going through the man's mind?

"At least it's not a dress, Grimmy-kun," Gin giggled. "Unless you want to wear a dress. I could—."

"NO! Elf it fine, I'll be an elf!"

Gin giggled, "Too bad, you'd look good in Mrs. Clause dress."

**xXxXx**

**Carols:**

"Death to the world, Cuthulu's come! Let Earth abhor this thing! Let every mind prepare for doom as anguish and woe he'll bring—!"

"WOULD YOU SING NORMAL CHRISTMAS CAROLS?"

Meiku and Rin blinked, giggling slightly at Grimmjow's outburst.

"But we're singing Solstice carols, Grimm-sama," Meiku giggled. "Wouldn't we be more likely to celebrate Solstice than Christmas? I don't know the words to Christmas carols."

Grimmjow stared, "You disturb me on whole new levels, medic."

"And yet you'll still have to come to me if you get injured. Fun, huh?"

**XxXxX**

**Cookies:**

Ulquiorra swatted Meiku's hand away from the cookies. "Not until after dinner."

"But they smell so yummy!" Meiku whined, bouncing in her seat.

"I don't care, none until dinner."

"I don't even get to eat with you guys anymore. Aizen's locked me out."

"Good, maybe then I won't have to clean until eleven."

Meiku blinked, then giggled. Ulquiorra lifted a brow, then mentally scolded himself for showing any kind of emotion. When did it get so hard to keep a blank face?

"Is something funny, medic?"

She smiled brightly, leaning over the counter to peck Ulquiorra on the cheek. "Not funny, just nice to hear. I'll see you at dinner, Ulqui-sama. Bring cookies."

**xXxXx**

**Tree:**

The Christmas tree Gin had demanded was put in the meeting hall, not quiet in a corner but not in the way. Meiku and Rin had insisted the decorating of it should be a "family" event. The Espada had refused at first, each claiming the newly-ordered chores would be in the way. With much persistence from both girls (and a lot of manipulation from Gin), Aizen let them have their way and ordered that all Espada had to participate in decorating it. Meiku turned it into a party, supplying fine wine, eggnog, rum, and a number of baked goods and candies. By the end of it, the tree was beautifully decorated and all but Ulquiorra were thoroughly wasted.

**XxXxX**

**Mistletoe:**

Aizen watched as Meiku and Gin giggled over something. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know, until he saw ex-captain hoist the nurse up so that she could hang something in the doorway leading into the meeting hall. He'd been wondering why Gin had removed the door.

"What are you doing to defile my palace now?"

"Mistletoe," both giggled as Meiku finished setting it in place. Gin set her back down and darted back to his room. When Aizen lifted a brow, Meiku merely replied, "We'll want to keep these memories."

By the end of the night, Gin had a lovely collection of pictures. Meiku had kissed all but Nnoitora and Yami (who she had respectively punched in the face and couldn't fit in the doorway with) of the Espada and each of the three ex-shinigamis, as well as Rin. Gin had gotten two fantastic shots of Ulquiorra and Grimmjow forced into kisses (as far as Aizen could tell from the way Meiku's hands were on the backs of their heads). There was a wonderful one Charolette kissing a very green Nnoitora. Halibel and Stark had been captured, as well as Szayel and Grimmjow. Aizen smiled at the last picture, one shot by Meiku. He'd have to remind Gin to keep that one from circulating later.

**xXxXx**

**Reindeer:**

"Y'know what I wanna make," Rin slurred, wrapping her arms around Szayel and giggling. "I wanna make a reindeer. With a shiny red nose."

"Blue, make it a glowy blue nose," Meiku suggested, equally slurred, leaning heavily on Szayel as well.

"Red."

"Blue."

"Red."

"Blue!"

"RED!"

"BLUE!"

"Pink!"

Both girls looked at Szayel for a moment, then got up and walked away.

"For what it's worth, Octava," Ulquiorra murmured, "pink was the best option."

**XxXxX**

**Santa:**

"So why did we get a tree?" Grimmjow asked a few days after the decorating party.

"Because that's where Santa puts the presents," Meiku offered, pouring more wine into his glass. "If there was no tree, where would he put the presents?"

Grimmjow stared at her with a slack jaw for a moment, before shaking his head. "Don't tell me you still believe in that crap."

"If there can be samurais who fight monsters who can possibly turn into really hot guys, why can't there be a jolly fat man in a red suit delivering presents to good girls and boys?"

"By that logic, we can't get presents on account of we aren't good. We're evil."

Meiku blinked. "Says who? We became hollows because some stupid shinigami didn't do their job in sending us on. As hollows, it was pure instinct driving us to eat souls or other hollows. With Aizen around, it's join or die—choosing to die by his hand is still choosing to die, which is suicide, which is a sin, which is bad. So we live, and we follow orders to continue to live. If we said 'I don't agree' do you think he would hesitate to tear us apart? We are as good as we can be, given the situation."

Grimmjow stared again, slack jawed and brows knitted together. He'd never heard Meiku so morally opinionated. "Are you drunk?"

"I'm so drunk I'd sleep with Nnoitora if I were horny."

Grimmjow nodded, sipping his wine, but didn't wonder if there was some kind of hidden implications under the rant.

"Besides," she said, abandoning the glass and starting to nurse on the bottle, "you took care of crazy Ulqui-sama. You've got to be on the nice list."

**xXxXx**

**Presents:**

Ulquiorra looked between the tree and the table. Meiku had forced him to leave cookies and milk out for Santa, claiming the fat man would need some yummies when he dropped by. The cookies and milk were gone. He had been expecting them to be. What he hadn't expected was the scrawled note (in none of the Espada's handwriting, nor Meiku's or Rin's, and definitely not in any of the ex-shinigamis's) of thanks and presents left under the tree. Surely there was some kind of stupid glitch in his brain making him believe Meiku's insane theories. Still, he felt his lips twitch into a smile as he cleared away the plate and glass to set places for breakfast.

* * *

_Meiku: Ah, Christmas... Makes me smile, hee hee!_

_Grimm: Those were better than the special_

_Meiku: Only because I barely touched on the dress subject._

_Szayel: Happy Holidays!_


	25. Through the Eyes of an Outsider

_Meiku: ARGH! I'm not happy with it, I'll never be happy with it, my internet is finally being nice to me, here you go. –rage-_

_Grimm: Ah… She was trying to tie together some loose ends. The fourteenth her net started acting strange, it didn't load the fifteenth, she decided to fix what she considered mistakes, the internet got turned off, she has a lot of anger…_

_Ulqui: She does not own. Please review…_

**Chapter Fifteen: Through the Eyes of an Outsider**

**Tramutizing main characters is so much fun**

Ichigo waited until Ulquiorra and the girl were gone before storming back into Urahara's shop. The ex-captain was standing behind the counter still, waving his fan in his face and grinning like an idiot.

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun. I apologize for earlier. Meiku is a very good customer."

"They're ARRANCAR! We're FIGHTING them! They KIDNAPPED Orihime!"

"Meiku spends money here," Urahara said plainly, "and I can always use the extra cash. Besides, you saw how the boy was, he's probably harmless now."

"Probably? You're letting them go on a maybe?"

"Yes." Urahara laughed at Ichigo's frustrated growl. "If you're so worried, why not follow them?"

"Ah," Ichigo blinked, "I hadn't thought of that."

**XxXxX**

Ichigo followed them for a while, slowly getting bored. His attention span was not meant to last this long. He huffed, watching them exit the bookstore. Almost immediately Chizuru appeared in front of the woman, purring out a cheesy pick up line. The woman grinned, purring out an equally cheesy answer.

'That's pleasant,' he thought sarcastically as he watched the two flirt. He noticed Ulquiorra growing impatient, like a child forced to stay in one place too long. Wide green eyes roamed the surrounding area, stopping suddenly. His face brightened up and he glanced between whatever shop he had spotted and the woman he was with. He seemed to come to a conclusion and wandered away from the woman, now wholly engrossed in her flirting.

Ichigo wasn't sure who he was more worried about. He had never seen the woman before, but she had been dragging Ulquiorra around all day with supreme ease. Surely she must be powerful. Though, Ulquiorra was acting rather strange. But he was still strong, Ichigo knew he needed to watch out for him. He followed the Espada to a hardware store.

**xXxXx**

By the time Ulquiorra had left the hardware store, the woman had disappeared. Ichigo followed a safe distance from him as he wandered around, looking for her Ichigo assumed. He couldn't quite figure out what it was, but Ulquiorra seemed a good deal stranger than the last time Ichigo had encountered him. He watched as the arrancar sat down on the curb, looking very close to tears. And that's when he noticed another reiatsu. Grimmjow. There was another with him that Ichigo didn't recognize but every time he'd ever sensed Grimmjow, the asshole had been intent on nothing but wreaking havoc and causing chaos. And Ulquiorra didn't. But Ulquiorra wasn't exactly acting normal. But Grimmjow was most certainly going to try to fuck something up.

"Shit," he hissed, stuck between who needed watching more. Fortunately, Grimmjow's reiatsu was moving towards them, pretty quickly.

He took his eyes off the pouting arrancar to glance around the small park from which Grimmjow was approaching. At first he didn't see him. He saw a pink-haired man and the back of some too muscular girl with a nice ass wearing a baby pink loli-type dress. And then the too muscular girl turned around and Ichigo fell over from shock. The idea of Grimmjow in a dress would haunt his nightmares until the end of time. He watched as Grimmjow and the other man went to Ulquiorra. Grimmjow fretted over him until the blue-haired woman came back. She fixed the sleeves of the dress and the bows in Grimmjow's hair before scolding Ulquiorra and opening a portal back to Hueco Mundo.

"That was the most disturbing thing…" Ichigo murmured to himself.

There was a loud "poof" noise beside him and smoke swirled up. A girl in a lab coat coughed as she waved the smoke away.

"Now where is…AH!" she picked up something from the ground. It immediately started oozing. "Oh dammit! You better have recorded Grimmjow-sama like Gin-san wanted you to." She glanced at Ichigo, smiled. "You saw nothing." And then there was another "poof" and when the smoke cleared the girl was gone.

Ichigo decided he wanted to forget this day.

* * *

_**And now for something completely different.**_

Okay, reboot begins Feb. 1st. I'll post prologue to Down the Rabbit Hole and Vacation with Pay, as well as the first Seven Deadly Kisses (UlquiGrimm, seven deadly sins, exciting) and ABC's of Love (IchiIshi, alphabet drabbles, yey). ABC's of Love will post every week from that point on, each month will get a new letter, and it's reader participation so I'd like if you would leave some "A" words if you plan to read that one. Seven Deadly Kisses will post each month from then on. DtRH and VwP will follow the "reviews to upload" but right off the bat I'm going to say I want five reviews for Chapter One—just because I've had a lot of hell trying to get them written.

Now, because I write for the reader, I want to know what you want to see. Any ideas you may have, any at all, I'll hear out and try to give justice to. Send them on here or find my on Gaia (still EpicFailMeiku). I'm on Gaia everyday, and am only checking my messages here every now and then. Yelling at me from time to time is a good way to get me to work as well. I need to be reminded to work.

Once again, apologize for it being late, I didn't intend for this to happen. Thank you ILoVeGrImMjOw for checking up on VwP, thank you all my readers, I love you all. I hope to see you again at the reboot. Till then~!


	26. GO TO THE REWRITE

_Woot! And here's the first to the rewritten madness. Yes, very different from the previous... I will be taking down the original Vacation with Pay in about a week or so, just so I can pester those who followed there over to this one. Anyway, hope you enjoy!_

**Prologue**

**There is always need for an appropriate introduction to any form of madness**

Gin watched as Ulquiorra smacked his head against the wall outside of Orihime-chan's room. The Cuatra had been acting odd all day, he'd noticed, but this certainly was entertaining. He wondered if stress had finally pushed the bat over the edge. That would be all too amusing. Especially since the poor boy didn't seem to realize the stress of all the chores and paperwork and what not had been too great.

"Mei-chan," he giggled as the nurse started dancing next to him. He'd never understand her obsession with techno. "What do you think?"

"Nah? What do I think of what, Gin-san?" She purred, hopping out of her seat to dance around the room.

"You're the closest thing we have to a psychologist. What do you think is gonna happen?"

"Nah?" Meiku leaned over, still bouncing to the beat of her music, as Gin tapped the screen. Ulquiorra was rubbing his forehead where a red-spot had formed. "Hmm, he's not quite out of touch with reality yet…"

"But you think it'll happen?"

"His behavior suggests it," Meiku had switched to the analytical personality. "When he has the break I can't say, but it'll happen soon I'll bet. After that, I'd put money on him either regressing to a toddler-like state or killing us all."

"Killing us all?"

"Yes."

"Sounds interesting…" Gin leaned back in his chair. "What do you think brought this about?"

"Inability to deal with stress, lack of proper sleep and nutrition, and the fact that our water is not natural."

They were quiet a moment, the only noise coming from Meiku's headphones, as they watched Ulquiorra continue about his daily chores. Gin grinned widely.

"This is bound to be highly entertaining, isn't it?"

Meiku snickered, "Why yes Gin, I believe it is."

**xXxXx**

Ulquiorra had been acting strange, Grimmjow noted. He was a good deal more expressive than usual, actually going to far as to swear when Nnoitora did something annoying. He'd been chewing his fingernails all through the morning meeting. He barely cleaned the room before lunch. And now he was bashing his head on the wall outside of the girl's room. Grimmjow tilted his head as he watched, curious and amused.

He wondered what was going on and if this would continue. It'd be fun to see events unfold.

* * *

_And there we have it! Five reviews to the next chapter and it will be posted within the week I get the fifth. Sadly, my net has been screwy so I can't keep my inbox open at all times. And for the times when I won't be able to upload a chapter -coughsprocastinatedcoughs- I will be creating a seperate story for drabbles and specials for this universe that will be updated within the week that my goal is met. _

_For those of you who read the original, I hope you enjoy this rewrite. For new readers, I'm happy to see you. I love y'all and see you next chapter!_


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